The Countdown

It's been another lovely Christmas.
Lots of big snowflakes and scenic drives.
Christmas lights twinkling on trees and houses.

School was really fun the last week with kids full of anticipation and the classrooms and foyer full of lights and decorations.
Snow was falling and there was that delightful sense of wonder permeating the air.
I finished off my final week of teaching and was handed a beautiful big gift bag from my department head. What a sweet sendoff.  I just felt so loved and amazed as I pulled out the sunscreen, a lei and a grass skirt, a big towel and a card signed by the crowd.

Wow.

Once again this year I felt confused and a little out of control as I was purchasing gifts and I continue to hope and dream that one day I will be able to simplify the whole process and do something that costs less and blesses more…
Not sure how that's going to work out, but I think it's possible with some prayer and intentional focus in that direction.
It's just so easy so do the same-old, but there is distress in this for me and something feels wrong so I pray that next year the tide will change.
I will simplify and Jesus will take centre stage.

But the parts that I love most about this season are the lights in the season of cold and darkness.

Getting those twinkle lights up in my bedroom and around the living room along with the old familiar decorations with the carols playing softly in the background just does something for me.
Having friends over to visit and to play games and gathering around tables filled with goodies is so very sweet.
There's always a longing in me for more of this.
Skip the presents and bring on the games and visiting!!

In the midst of preparing for Christmas I was very aware of the fact that one week after Christmas I would be flying to Hawaii, so my brain felt a bit full.

Trying to tie up apartment issues, making sure my students would be looked after, planning the Christmas meal and buying groceries, getting gifts for family, friends and tenants, preaching at church!, attending meetings, having dear friends over, writing my annual Christmas letter and sending it out with pictures...
The list kept growing and I would strike things off only to have more things pop up.
Because there is a deadline.
I will not be here to deal with stuff in January.

Then, to top off the brain blitz, I got a letter from Ron right before Christmas with the issue that isn't QUITE RESOLVED YET!

And in the midst of all of this my nights were not full of much sleep.  Lots of spasms and too many thoughts and very little rest. So my brain started to short circuit and I was not doing very well.

Therefore, last night after Lana and I had our nightly Baileys and Egg Nog "LaChaim" ritual, I took a full on sleeping pill and slept deeply and soundly right till 7 AM!. As a result I felt like a person in my right mind today and was able to accomplish great and mighty things.

In other words I am basically packed!!
Elkar is pretty much looked after on my end.
Patrice is leaving Monday and is doing GREAT!
Christmas was a sweet success and full of joyful togetherness.
The turkey was just fine and everyone got fed up.
The dishes are done and I've already started taking decorations down.

Yearly Christmas Re-Cap for 2013

Christmas Greetings Dear Friends & Family!                                    December, 2013

 

I am delighted to send out another Christmas missive to all of you dear ones around the world!  Life is such an amazing journey and I am grateful once again for the gift of Christmas – JESUS HAS COME and is with us – therefore I have joy and hope and peace in the midst of life with all it’s messy, good, hard, wonderful and strange happenings.  

 

It’s been another really great year in so many ways.  I continue to love my job – teaching kids who struggle with reading.  God has provided me with a job that is so flexible and life-giving.  I absolutely love working one on one with kids.  I still need to lay down every afternoon due to back pain and instability, but thankfully I am able to lead a full and very satisfying life.  I have my Patrice and two other lovely young women living here with me to help out and to provide company.  

 

Daniel & Nicole are doing well and it is a joy to see the love between those two as they enter their third year of marriage.  Now that Daniel is a journeyman carpenter, he’s decided to broaden his horizons and is attending University to become an Occupational Therapist.  (SIX YEARS!!) Nicole has a job in a Drug Detox Center here in town and she is doing an amazing job.  They are huge outdoor enthusiasts and squeeze in as much hiking, cross country skiing, camping etc. as they can in between studies and work.

 

Patrice is still enjoying her work at a care home for disabled adults and she has been taking a few university level courses this year to prepare her for????  She’s still figuring that out, but meanwhile I am watching her excel in the art of cooking and baking.  She loves to research unusual topics like fermentation, seeds and grains and has been busy this fall making kambucha, incredible breads and other such delicacies.  We all love to sample her creations!  I consider it such a gift to have her still living at home with me.  She is a very sweet daughter and friend. 

 

Mom and Dad are doing well.  They have definitely slowed down significantly but amazingly enough, they are the ones preparing Sunday dinners for us kids to come and join them on occasion.  We have discovered that Dad has quite the culinary flair and he prepared a delicious roast beef dinner for all of us to come and celebrate his 88^thBirthday last Sunday!  (He does NOT like to go out to restaurants…) He also works hard at the art of bread making and the preparing of borscht with Mom.  

 

Elsie and I love taking Mom and Tante Hilda out for drives to enjoy the beautiful scenery here in the Okanagan Valley.  Every season has its beauty and I have introduced them to the convenience and delicious delights found at various “drive-through” restaurants where we pick up a little lunch as we do our sightseeing.  I count it a privilege to spend time with these dear ones and we enjoying singing hymns, praying and talking about how great God is together!  Isn’t that awesome?  

 

And now for some really amazing news … Patrice and I have both booked flights to go to Kona Hawaii for 3 months this winter, God willing!  I will be taking a school at YWAM where I will apparently be memorizing an ENTIRE GOSPEL!  (or as much of it as I can at my age…).  Patrice will be volunteering on the YWAM base, most likely in the kitchen.  I am finding the winters here to be somewhat difficult on my joints and getting around in the snow and ice in my wheelchair isn’t the easiest, so I’m taking a wee sabbatical and am looking forward to thawing out. 

 

I am attending a little Vineyard Church here in Kelowna with Patrice where I have been involved in prayer and I love the sweet fellowship and wonderful friends I have there.  They are very supportive and loving.  And in this season we are joining with all the other believers around the world as we say MARANATHA – come again Lord Jesus.  Into our minutes and hours and days as we eagerly await His Second Coming. 

 

“Let every heart prepare Him room…”  

 

I bless you all with peace and hope, encouragement and endurance as you finish this year and enter the New.  He is with us, our EMMANUEL!! In the midst of everything… Jesus is beautiful, kind and compassionate and HE IS FOR YOU!!

 

Have a most wonderful Christmas,

 

Love, Karen & Family  

just put God in charge

We had a sweet gathering of old friends here tonight.
Yesterday afternoon I texted my dear friend Dawn,
Thought it might be nice to get a few people together.
I didn't know how many would be available on 24 hour notice but my friend who has big faith just texted a prayer back, asking God to put things together if it was meant to be.  I texted Amen.

God arranged a perfect combination of friends on a winter's night
Gathering around a table of food, Christmas lights shining on the tree and around the windows and the advent wreath lit.
The grandkids came too - last year they were coming out of a place of trauma due to some crazy events they were going through.  This year they were settled and it was obvious that healing had taken place.
We coloured together and Sara came in and swept them into a world of fun and creativity.

It's a precious thing to gather around the One who drew us all together in the first place.
I'm grateful to God who cares about little details.
And important things like maintaining friendships.


Oh, and today another miracle took place.
A lovely Chiropracter/Masseuse came and gave me about a 2 hour treatment.
My neck and shoulder have been giving me lots of pain at night and I am full of contractors, but she works with God and together they are untangling this mess my body is in.
Hallelujah.

Oh, and speaking of miracles!!
Patrice was turned down for YWAM so we had to let go of that, trusting God and then "all of a sudden"….
There's an opening! References are in, her phone call interview done
And she's booked to come to Hawaii for the same three months I will be there.
OH MY WORD!
God's great kindness.
So fun to plan and get excited with her.
It's doubling my pleasure and I feel such anticipation for both of us.
God's just really great that way.
Exponential goodness.
And delightful surprises!

Advent Retreat

Bathe us with the brilliance of your light…

This was one of the opening lines of this years Advent Retreat and truly this is what I experienced by the time I made my way home a few hours later...

The time of guided contemplation was beautiful and my time of quiet meditation while reading through Luke 1 and 2 was full of revelation and insight.

Reading about Elizabeth and Zachariah just going about their everyday activities in their community, "leading lives of righteousness" and "in the fullness of time" - at just the right time God broke in and changed everything.  In their small story everything changed dramatically, but in the bigger scheme of God's great rescue mission everything was forever altered for EVERYONE!

And so, my small story and how I live my live life is important in the bigger scheme - my life is touching and affecting the lives of others.  I want to be one of those who choses righteousness and makes way for His presence to move on me, in me and through me, despite my failings and lack of faith.

I was encouraged that even though Zachariah blew it on one level by not believing what the angel said - he was just silenced until God's purpose was fulfilled.  I was challenged that perhaps the words that were spoken over me in the hospital way back in February 1987 have been "lost to me" in that I questioned them and have found it hard to hold onto them in the ensuing 26 years of paralysis.  However, I will not thwart the purposes of God, just like Zachariah was not able to stop what God was about.  Because I am clinging to God's word from Luke 1:20b that says "…my Words which WILL BE fulfilled in their proper time."

"I believe dear Jesus, but please help my unbelief…" and "behold the bondslave of the Lord - let it be done unto me according to your good pleasure."

And this rhema word as well!!

"Do not be afraid (Karen) for your petition has been heard:  Luke 1:13  I thought of the scripture that I have been praying on and off for years now that says "for my inheritance give me the lost.'   Oh Jesus YES!  "…to make ready a people prepared for the Lord".  1:17b

It was almost laughable how I was receiving and receiving on so many levels as I read through the two chapters.  As if God thought He would pour in as much as possible while I was finally still and listening because I'm so flighty and distracted in my normal time of devotional Bible reading.

There was so much more that was imparted and I felt rich in the Word - Emmanuel came and spent time with us.  In this dark season there was suddenly so much light. I pray that I will continue to meditate upon what I received so that it will bear fruit.

I so much appreciate the women who put these events on as I can feel the peace in the gathering can feel the prayers that have bathed this time creating a space in which it is so easy to meet God and hear Him.  

Kinda Sweet

A while ago I was sitting with a sweet little grade 2 student and for some reason we were talking about heaven.

Kids are so delightful… trusting and eager for good things.
I work with an amazing bunch of them this year.  It's hard to believe I get paid for doing something that is so life-giving and so very fulfilling.  And fun.  The jelly bean reward getting pooped out of the little rein-dog never gets old.

Anyways...
I told this little gal that we would have a date up in heaven where we would hang out with animals and do fun stuff together. Maybe ride horses, go on a picnic.  It was fun to talk about, as heaven usually is.  But then it was back to the vowels, imprinting, and reading words.

A tiny little interaction.

Some days later I was in the office signing out and this gal's mom told me that as she was putting her to bed the night before she said,  "Mrs. Engel and I are going to play together in heaven and she isn't going to be in a wheelchair!"

I don't even know if the wheelchair had come up in our conversation, but I love that she had contemplated the whole idea of us seeing each other up there and hanging out together and that it made her happy.

I love that I can talk about Jesus, pray for the kids and encourage them about the big plans He has for them.
I work at a really great school.
I'm so grateful for God arranging this whole wonderful set-up for this season in my life.

His ways are perfect.

Just Love Me

I've been struggling with the voices in my head.
Accusing me, accusing God.
That old ugly perfectionist part of me that rises up and tells me insistently that I am not doing enough or am not doing things well enough.
It is exhausting and very discouraging.
And it keeps me from communing from God when it's bad.
And it's been pretty bad as of late.

So yesterday in church we were encouraged to ask God about one thing that we could do… I'm not even sure anymore what the rest of the sentence was, but right there I was COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED.
Because I couldn't imagine trying to DO ONE MORE THING.  It wasn't a discouraging message in any way - actually VERY encouraging, but those words were a trigger for me and I was just frozen with fear to even ask.
But somehow God's sweet words managed to squeeze past the gigantic fear monster sitting in my head and He said,

"just love me"

OH WOW.  Ok - I can do that.
I don't know if I do it very well, but how can I not love God?
I do love Him and I can keep loving Him.

Cause the other part - loving others - will come and be a natural result if I love God well.

So, that's what I'm doing and what I will keep on doing.
Shut up is what I say to the stupid voices in my head and Yes to God's sweet invitation.

Right now all I can handle is just the basics.
Wash my mind daily with His word, and stay connected to Him.
(And stay AWAY from the news…)

Exceptional

The BUTTERFLIES reconvened today!

We landed at Mon Thong after nearly a year of not connecting and the wings were fluttering with force - in other words many words were forthcoming and we were most delighted to be together!!

This group has met for many years now and we know each others stories.
No need for much intro - we're straight into the thick of things and sharing our sadness and joy with great gusto.
We celebrate birthdays too in a general sort of way - this year all on one day so gifts and cards were passed around by those who had the energy to put something together before meeting.

These women are absolutely exceptional.
I feel so privileged to be a part of this group and to know the stories and to feel the love.
Each one is so unique and intense it's almost laughable, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Most of us are full of many words so we have to be careful to give "the floor" to each one so that there is not a collision of catastrophic proportions. We have learned to listen quite well and there is so much collective wisdom that is given without hesitation and with great love.

I love the vibrancy and life that is exuded in such a variety of ways - they are women of excellence and I highly respect and admire them.  (Being the baby of the group is quite a nice deviation from the norm and I can look up to them as older, wiser sisters.)

So anyways, that happened today and in the midst of this cold snap, on this wintery feeling day it was almost a Christmasy event. I felt cozy and tucked in sitting at that round table, eating delicious Thai food and hearing stories that reflected the faithfulness of God in the midst of transition, pain, busyness, disappointment, and satisfaction.  We are all in different places and there was deep sadness expressed along with great joy.  Those parallel tracks of life that we run along - increasing with intensity as we age.  Deeper joys of grandchildren for some and deeper pains of lost spouses and repeated lost opportunities for others.

But oh the beauty of Jesus in these ones.
We just keep digging deeper into Him as the years pass and He is becoming more relevant and central.
We're slowly figuring out the importance of that ONE THING…

Passing Through

Meditating on John 17.
Kind of relieved to read this bit,

"I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. 15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth."

Not like I'm feeling hated or anything. And that should probably concern me more than it does, come to think of it.  It just feels so awkward to live in this world, in the midst of so much pain and heartache with messages of tragedy coming in from all sides. Clearly I have not been obedient in staying away from news and it is telling on me.


I don't handle it very well and feel bogged down with the weight of all the craziness that is abounding in our not yet redeemed world.


So I need to stay off the news sites.
And get sanctified by His Word.
Seriously.

Cause it's really craaazy out there, but my God is more than able to redeem and save.


“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26 I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”


And it's my job just to stay in Him so that I will know the Father and be all full of that love that is happening in the Holy Amazing Trinity. So that the world may know....


Off to a leadership meeting tonight to continue to hear the Father concerning our present state of "transition". I have complete confidence that He will look after us if we stick really close to Him and get the unity thing happening.

Falling Gently

A grey misty day
Lowslung clouds and rain
and I lay tucked under my cozy blanket.

There are still so many leaves on the trees but gradually they are thinning
Middle of November and still so much color.
I see the golden wisps gently falling as the slightest breeze moves by
How lovely to have the fall move over the land so very slowly...
Entire orchards blaze into orange red  glory,
Drop their leaves and the next one is torched into gold
and so it goes until there are only colourful carpets beneath the branches.

Outside my window is a beautiful yellow glow from the maple tree and I lay here, warm and content.
Thankful for the opportunities to read, listen and visit and of course,
Prayer
Thoughts drop gently into my mind I am able to respond with prayers
Your Kingdom Come...
Your will be done
...Fill them with the knowledge of your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding
...I pray that their love would abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so they will be able to discern what is best.
And so on, releasing His glory and divine intervention.

At times it feels so small
These little words these little prayers.
But I have nothing else and no one else but Him
And this is what I know to do
And by this I please Him so I will continue.

Small story.
At church a woman shared with me a picture she had of me being struck in the chest by a large prehistoric  dinosaur kind of dragon with spikes - thinking this would have been the accident.  I concur.  But the dragon has a long tail with barbs and with this he torments me - flicking it at me now and again.  Yes.  With the AD and resulting high blood pressure episodes, spasms, deformity, migraines etc. it has felt like that at times.

She said I am boldly out front in prayer and I need to be covered.
Oh yes, I would like to be covered!

 So at Wednesday night prayer I waited till near the end and then dared to put my needs out there and the little group gathered round.

One man saw a picture of me juggling small sticks - seeming not to be very significant or spectacular but I was enjoying doing this.

Then the picture changed and the sticks became like fire brands which I juggled and there was like a Hawaiian war dance going on with a big army behind me.  The idea being that it is intense warfare and it is powerful.  As small and insignificant as it can seems, it is not.

One woman proclaimed the barbs and tail cut off the dragon which sounded good to me.

Another reminded me in prayer from Romans 8 that if God is for me who can be against me?

This is my truth and my shield.
God.
Always God,
And I will continue to pray as long as He gives me breath.

October Artistry

It's got to be one of the prettiest months of the year.

October.

The colors are a seriously amazing kaleidoscope of gold, red, yellow, orange that change day by day and when the sun shines on it all it's pretty close to paradise.  The picture above was taken late this afternoon just before the sun set.  October 31st and the roses are blooming!

The drive to and from school is totally a gift and I want to stop so often to take pictures of the orchards that have turned a glorious orange or yellow, or to capture the low lying clouds over the mountains.

The apples are thick on the trees and soon the pickers are busy, stripping the branches clean,
filling the giant bins that stand at the end of the rows.

So much beauty.

AND this month holds the date of my precious son's birth.

Along with Thanksgiving...

So very much to celebrate.  I peek out the front door and am blown away by the early morning light filtering through the bronze oak leaves...

Harvest, Life, Seasons,
Drives through the countryside just to feast our eyes on God's unbelievable goodness.
Divine Artist displaying His graces for our pure joy.

Mom and Elsie and I took a drive to Oyama and had so much fun with little Pupcake as we enjoyed a snack by the lake while we watched these men fishing in their little boat. 

And then on Thanksgiving Weekend our little household of girls went on a hike up to the trestles with the Gagnon's and our herd of dogs.  It was absolutely WONDERFUL to be out in the fresh air enjoying the outrageously beautiful outdoors!

A delightful evening to benefit a homeless shelter was enjoyed by Daniel and Patrice and I at the little stone church downtown.  Good music for a really good cause.  

What's not to love about October??!!  Even if I got one of the hardest letters I've received in a very, very long time and am feeling a mixture of fear and faith and anger and am wrestling to forgive.  And to forgive again.  And again...  I can rest in His GREAT LOVE and care for me. 

I can enjoy the beauty, I can swing my thoughts back to the King and His plans for me.  Which are goodness and mercy and righteousness.  

So glad I am able to pray.  Commanded to pray. Trust.  Worship.  

THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE AND I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT!!  

Applied & Accepted

I don't know if I've mentioned here that I have applied for a school in Hawaii this winter.
For reals...
With fear and trepidation and excitement.

So, before I did so I made the rounds of making sure it was ok with people.
Like my Mom, and my brother.
And work.
That one was a big hurdle.
They didn't like it last winter when I took off for 12 days!!

So, for the number of hours a week I work and for how much I'm paid I was willing to go back to volunteering this year to be able to provide myself with an open door.
However, the Lord provided it for me, through my superior, Leah who went all out for me.
And I'm still on payroll.
She makes me feel so loved and cared for there at the school.
God just keeps me covered in so many ways.
He is seriously on my side.

At first I was hoping Patrice would come along and do some volunteering there, but she's staying home and I think I'm already missing her.

I've never done anything this big on my own since going away to Bible School when I was 18.
Especially since I'm so much more paralyzed when I travel.
I'm full of alot of questions and apprehensions.
But this is what faith looks like for me right now.

So I'm holding this all with loose hands.
Don't wanna go if I'm not supposed to be there.

However, on the other hand, I feel like I'm fulfilling a dream which has been waiting in my heart for many years.
Going to scout out the land in a sense and the Lord has provided a friend who is not afraid to ask questions on my behalf and figure things out with me.

So I'm not completely alone, I just won't have family with me which feels really odd.
I've been accepted to a school called Word by Heart which will involve a TON OF MEMORIZING.
Which takes a ton of faith.  Hah!

Anyways, I've read somewhere that anything is possible for those who believe!
So, I BELIEVE!

And if it works out this winter... if we can get the logistics sorted out and there is a place for me there... maybe I can go again someday.  And again...

Cause winter and wheelchairs and cold and my body don't all really get along that well.
Three months in a warm place during the winter would be outrageously wonderful.
I'm thinking, and hoping.
And praying and waiting.
(And dreaming...)

That Loneliness

It was a gentle, slow Saturday.
I knew there was a ladies retreat happening nearby this weekend,
But there was no pull.
I was happy to be home.
Lazing in bed,
Reading the Word, visiting on the phone
Enjoying the fall colors outside my big window,
Highlighted by the beautiful sunshine.

Showering, laundry,
Making a smoothie
and cleaning the kitchen.

Catching up on bookkeeping
Satisfied when the numbers balanced
Hit the backup and I'm good for another month.

Saturday evening was small but sweet.
Good friends,
Good food.
Comfort.

A loneliness settling onto me when the house is empty and all is quiet.
And I want to busy myself with something...
But
He calls gently to my spirit.
This divine loneliness is not new to me,

I don't want to waste it, although it's easily done.
There is a sad discomfort that I have to push through.
The curtains that veil my Lover, my Friend.

The silence.
The waiting.
The trusting.

All for love, for Him.
For something unearthly
and Golden...

Nudges

This morning I was checking Facebook before heading off to school.
I noticed the birthday of an acquaintance and I felt to ignore it, as sometimes it all feels a little silly to be writing Birthday Greetings to people you hardly know...

But there was a nudge and I thought it would matter to this precious soul.
So I typed something kind of fun and I dug a little deeper to add some meaningful.

I have ignored plenty of nudges in my life, but I pray that I will get more and more obedient.  Because the extra minute that it took for me to type some love into the little box made a difference.

This dear lady doesn't have the easiest life as far as I can see.
We've had a few interactions over the years, but somehow they always really seem to matter to her.  And her sweetness always touches me.

So when I next checked my computer this was the reply:

"Thanks, you're so special to me too.  This made me cry."

So, as small as many of my "contributions of kindness" in a day can feel, all that matters is obedience and faith expressing itself in love.

I can do that.

Because it really matters to feel loved.  To all of us, all of the time.

And I have been given much...

Like a Good Movie

Sometimes when I'm laying here in my bed,
as I do much of every day,
I stop and think how amazing my life is.
How blessed I am to have three beautiful young women (and two very special doggies) living their lives around and with me.
I hear their laughter in the kitchen as they discuss foods or their day or any other number of fascinating things.
Usually it's a far off mumble and I don't know exactly what is being said, but I just love the hum of voices and laughter that makes it's way back to my room.

I kind of feel like I'm in a movie when I realize how amazing all of this is.
How great these gals are, even if we all do life a little bit (or a lot) differently.

We're enough the same that we enjoy each other and share this place we all call home rather well. And we're different enough to add flavour and fun and some healthy stretching.

The morning greetings as one is leaving for work and one is emerging sleepily from their nest downstairs...
The delicious smells created as cooking and creativity collide in the kitchen.
The ever busy Vitamix blending some kind of very healthy drink.
The shared television shows or movies.
(Three of us just had a Pride & Prejudice marathon the other day because one was home sick and it was one of those cloudy, cool, fall movie days)

The constant enjoyment of and love for Moose and Ladybug that we all talk about pretty much all the time.

It's just really lovely and I"m so very grateful for all of us "little women" dwelling in this house wher God is welcome and helps us to get along.

Tonight three of us are off to a concert in town so the movie will have a cool sound track ...

Prayer at the Park

I almost didn't go.
The day looked ominous - cold and cloudy.
And I hate being cold.
The retreat was to be outdoors, at a park on the lake.
But memories of our last contemplative retreat drove me on...
Knowing I would have a specific amazing encounter with the Lord.
It would be so worth it,

So I DID!  And it was AMAZING!
So very worth it.
HE was so present.
The earth was pulsating with His life,
The Wind, the Waves, The Earthy Smells,
The Birds and Chipmunks, The Rustling Leaves.
The rough gnarly bark on the towering pines.
The rays of warm sunlight breaking through the clouds and warming my back.

Oh my word.
HIS WORD BECAME LIFE.
He literally spoke all of what I saw into existence and it was GOOD!

So in my meditation upon Genesis I was struck with a thought fairly early on and I didn't make it through the entire reading.
I got what I needed and more right in the first couple of verses.

"but the Spirit of God was moving"

and the next profound thought came with part of the following verse...

"and He separated the darkness from the light"


So there are situations in the lives of my family and loved ones where I am believing and praying for the Spirit of God to be moving... and I pray also that HE WILL separate the darkness from the light.

I am waiting and expectant.

Inspired

Today just might be a really important day in my life.

It started off with Patrice serving me French Toast and blueberries which was pretty spectacular.  Oh how I LOVE THAT GIRL!!

We went to church and it was the loveliest thing to be surrounded by God's people while we worshipped and listened for His guidance and leading.  So many people I love gathering to seek Jesus on this September morning.
Felt celebratory and full of joy and anticipation...
Graham taught out of Philippians 2 and it was amazing.
If Christ Jesus considered Himself a slave 
it is most fitting that we should do the same.
Oh Man.
It's a high calling.
To be His slave and to serve others.
Lots to wrap your head around and even more to submit to.
But it's the best way to live once you get the hang of it I hear...

And then I went out for lunch with two dear ladies.
There were years of catching up as one of them has only come back to Kelowna in the last year and we haven't really connected yet.

So, in the midst of the sharing
(mostly mine, I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit)
Anita commented that I should write a book.

Now I've heard this several times over the years and have even attempted to start writing more to make this into a reality, but there was never enough fire on it to keep it moving. Plus I have years of journals full of my "story" and now several years worth of this blog.  So I felt that when and if the "book" was going to be written it would just happen.  Haha.  Kinda like if I got healed there would be the lovely last chapter that would make the whole book worth writing!

And I didn't really have a strong call or vision at that point.

But the way this "invitation" was worded today struck me as the clearest reason to date that I could possibly want to start on this venture.

It wouldn't just be "my story" which would end up being a very short novella due to my lack of memory for details and such.
It would be the fleshing out of what I shared at church at the beginning of August when I was asked to speak on "living with Joy".

That time of sharing ended up being me telling much of my personal journey through the past 26 years of being wheelchair-bound and how my walk with God has carried me through the highs and lows of that.

I also spoke about my wrestle with the "healing issue" and how I have come to such a place of peace (for the most part) in seeking Jesus instead of healing.  And how I have met Him in the place of suffering and have slowly learned to embrace the cross and let the blood of Jesus drip over and onto me as I trust Him.

So I began to imagine that this might be a possibility.

Right there in that restaurant with that earnest face looking across the table at me - inviting me to share my story with others who suffer and are not healed.
Perhaps not "New York Times Bestseller" material, but for some people it could bring hope and perspective and help when they've felt let down by God in a church culture that seems to want to pray suffering away and offer a package deal of God and healing being one and the same.  ASAP

And I know He is Healer.
But when the healing comes slowly,
So slowly that it sometimes manifests in heaven... people can grow discouraged.
Or feel the need to press in even harder for more healing because they feel they have missed something.
When I start to go down that road I lose sight of the lovely face of Jesus.
And I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
I get discouraged and feel condemned.

So when I said "there are already so many books" she reminded me that my story is my story and might be important for others to hear.
I realized that there was merit in recognizing that my story had value and I will begin to ask the Lord about when and if to start writing.

This dear Anita even volunteered to meet with me on a monthly basis to get things rolling and to help me sort through my thoughts.

So, stay tuned.
This might be a door I need to move through...

CERTIFIED!!

I've been trying now for several years to get certified to give a certain test that will really help me in my work as a Reading Therapist.  I have traveled to Sooke and to Ottawa and recently to Victoria to obtain this certification.  For many reasons this journey has been very complicated, but I can now report that the miracle has occurred.  I am certified to give the test and to write a report that will give a valid diagnosis which may help kids get funding and will help us to give them the specific help they need to get them reading.  Here is Abby and myself taking the ferry over to Vancouver Island.  I was trying to look like a movie star with my hair blowing in the wind but it didn't quite turn out the way I had imagined it...

Abbie pulled it off, but I comforted myself by attributing her movie-star look to the dark glasses... 

Two incredible evenings spent at the Victoria Harbour watching the sunset and eating dinner overlooking the water.  Incredible! 

It felt like a gift from God that they found us a little spot on the patio at this lovely restaurant on the water!

This place never gets old...

There was also homework that needed to be done when we weren't sightseeing! 

And our wonderful, Godly, wise instructor who lives a "missionary life" and inspires us to view our work in the same manner.  

Endless Celebrations!

Ok, this cuteness has been happening in our backyard recently when Elsie comes to visit with her new little "Pupcake"  

And this dear and beautiful friend got married on a hot September day under the glorious sunshine.  Here she is in my bedroom where she got ready for the occasion.

Such a perfect and wonderful couple - they are both so lovely...

These girls have all been well loved by Louise over many years.

And this?  Absolute delight!  Seven dogs on our back patio with Oma and Tante Hilda. 

Sweet Finish

A patio party on the last night of August.
How fitting and so very wonderful.
Good food, good friends, puppies playing,
yellow glow of the late summer sun through the apple trees
Ahhhh....

The Alberta trip finished with a bang!
We drove from Rosemary to Calgary,
stopping to buy me some long pants in Strathmore
those wheat fields and big sky giving me another thrill.
Patrice, not so much.
Strangely she felt "claustrophobic" on the prairies while I felt expansive and peaceful.

Calgary was crazy with traffic and we were invited to Becci and Martin's new home for dinner on their very first night there.
Time with the kids was so sweet,
Such familiar little voices and personalities.
A blessed little reunion.
A walk in the 170 acre parkland that will be their new playground and off to Kananaskis for the night.

A migraine, crazy spasms and not enough bedding made for a strange, rather uncomfortable night but joy cometh in the morning with the help of a sleeping pill!
Joy and incredible mountain views, green, green, tall trees and a moose.
Driving into Kelowna was immensely satisfying for both of us.
What a gift to live here.
Our hearts were home and the valley welcomed us with sunshine and open arms.

Grateful for the time away.
Grateful for a home that is here.
Grateful for a daughter to share all of this with.

Alberta

I'm on the prairies.
BIG skies, WIND, wide open spaces
Outrageous beauty.

We roared down the long flat highway from Three Hills to Rosemary
miles of rolling hills and swaying grains...
Bruce Cockburn serenading us at high volume
"Going to the country....sunshine, shine on me"...

Privileged to do this trip with my dear daughter
and with dear Daniel and Nicole.
The wedding of a dear friend, held on the the beautiful ranch of the groom's family,
under a scorching prairie sun.
Best wedding address I've heard in my entire life.
Roll kuchen and Arboose
Surrounded by people I love.

And now in Rosemary at the home of a friend that is like family.
Celebrated her mom's 90th birthday with EVERYONE. 

Here I am with Tante Elsie - my "other mother".  She looks fabulous at 90!

These dear people who have known me my entire life,
and have loved me like their own.
So many memories...

New ones now made including my children.
Rich and sweet.
A gift from heaven.
laughter on the back patio, porch swings, a barbecue.
Breaking bread together,
Seeing the next generation.
Little people in the tree fort and toddlers underfoot.

This one, in this home, who is like a sister to me. 
Welcomes me like I am royalty and pours out love,
On me and mine and anyone else who comes near her sweet expansive heart.

She's been on the potter's wheel and has submitted
much like my own dear sister,
To years of unyielding pain, years of confusion,
Clouded perspective and adversity,
Allowing the Potter to throw her down,
again and again, molding, refining, firing.
Clinging fiercely to the One who was able to help.

I am humbled to be here and incredibly grateful.
For this gift of time.
For this perspective and privilege.
Of watching a life layed down.
Not her, but Christ.
He is large in this place, in this couple.

I want Him to be larger in me.
Jesus, hear my cry.
Strengthen me in this journey where I am tempted to complain.
Tempted to self pity.
Tired of how difficult it is on such a constant basis.

I want to look and sound like you.
Just the way these precious ones do...


The sweet spirit that has emerged is something heaven kissed.
Such gratitude,
A servants heart,
Such generosity,
Such kindness and easy laughter.

Broken and refined and more beautiful than words can express.
I'm humbled by this encounter and inspired.
Wanting to respond in this same way.
Simple pure gratitude for each day.
The privilege to serve and pour one's self out for others.

The Lord keeps putting these ones in my path.
Allowing me to rub shoulders with these kingly, queenly, saintly ones.
Whose lives have been refined by fierce hot fires.

The Knowledge of the Most Holy.
Propels me forward, creates a framework for these crazy days of good, hard,
wonderful and mysterious.