I've been struggling with the voices in my head.
Accusing me, accusing God.
That old ugly perfectionist part of me that rises up and tells me insistently that I am not doing enough or am not doing things well enough.
It is exhausting and very discouraging.
And it keeps me from communing from God when it's bad.
And it's been pretty bad as of late.
So yesterday in church we were encouraged to ask God about one thing that we could do… I'm not even sure anymore what the rest of the sentence was, but right there I was COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED.
Because I couldn't imagine trying to DO ONE MORE THING. It wasn't a discouraging message in any way - actually VERY encouraging, but those words were a trigger for me and I was just frozen with fear to even ask.
But somehow God's sweet words managed to squeeze past the gigantic fear monster sitting in my head and He said,
"just love me"
OH WOW. Ok - I can do that.
I don't know if I do it very well, but how can I not love God?
I do love Him and I can keep loving Him.
So, that's what I'm doing and what I will keep on doing.
Shut up is what I say to the stupid voices in my head and Yes to God's sweet invitation.
Right now all I can handle is just the basics.
Wash my mind daily with His word, and stay connected to Him.
(And stay AWAY from the news…)
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