Forty-Five

I turned 45 this past Friday. Surrounded by those who love me. Balloons, flowers, gifts and cards. Most of all, those who love me and accept me. Most of all God, even though He's feeling a little distant lately. I'm sure He hasn't gone anywhere. He was there in my family and friends. I wouldn't mind some kind of a personal encounter though - something a little more..."other worldly" and life changing.

But tonight, as I picked up last week's church bulletin I noticed something I had written down during Alistair Petrie's message. It was rather a riveting statement:

"Pride and personal ambition are driven out by brokenness."

Yes, I'm feeling rather broken these days in a few places. And obviously this is a good thing, but due to paralysis, lethargy and a good whack of sadness I'm not jumping up and down with joy about the whole broken thing. I am grateful at some deep level, because the last thing I want to be full of is pride and personal ambition! So broken is good. yah.

Funny thing, now that I think about it....Alistair gave us the opportunity to stand if we wanted God's plumbline to go down into our lives - to pursue righteousness as a lifestyle. (I'm having a hard time remembering the exact wording of why we were invited to stand, I only know that it felt really right. Not in a fun super spiritual way, but in that "pick up your cross and follow me" way). Now, I didn't stand as "the miracle" hasn't manifested yet, but my arm was in the air indicating that I was standing at some level. In fact, in my great zeal I think I threw up both of my arms at some point during that call. Wow. I knew as I did it that there would be a cost as I've done this numerous times and am living proof that the cost is real.

But it will be worth it. And God promises to be close to me in my season of brokenness. It says that He is close to those who are broken & with a contrite heart. (or something like that) The link to listening to that message which was quite powerful can be found at www.newlife.bc.ca Look under messages (perhaps audio) and the date of Alistair Petrie's preach was April 22. It's a sobering powerful message - one to be heeded by the church today.