Ridiculous Prayers

I'm sitting in the 24/7 prayer room,
So conveniently close to my room.

Feeling the powerful, sweet, wooing presence of Jesus.

Thinking about this new season
Another one where I am more desperate and needy for Him
Such a good thing, but such a hard thing too.

And I think about the prayers I've prayed in times of zeal and passion.
Prayers that can seem ridiculous when I realize the cost in terms of comfort and ease.
But what is the "cost" actually when I have nothing really to give up in the first place considering the exchange rate.

His blood for my unrighteousness.

And I'm realizing that in His great mercy, He is taking me up on those prayers.

More of Him and less of me.

Humility in place of pride.

Love in place of selfishness.

Refiner's fire welcomed and burning…

Help me my Jesus to cooperate with what it is that you want to accomplish in this one wild and precious life that you have granted me for this short time here on earth.

For my inheritance give me the lost…

And the ONLY way that can happen is for me to be completely swallowed up in your purposes, not thinking constantly about MySELF but of Jesus.

The Glorious Love who gave up everything to have relationship with me and to bring His Kingdom here
On Earth, wherever I am
As it is in Heaven.

a loaded prayer

I am settling in for the night here - the room is dark and I hear so many voices around the Go Center
Cars coming and going, people arriving and leaving

I think of my particular journey here

Limited but not restricted

The many freedoms I've enjoyed and taken for granted
The many relationships I've been privileged to experience


As much as I've known companionship and community
I've also known loneliness and isolation

Both sides have such value

But I"m thinking I've been unaware, to a large degree,
And blissfully so, of the multitudes who are alone,
and lonely

And I pray a prayer:

Show me the way of love

And somehow I'm aware, at some level, that for me to know that way,
The way of love
I am privileged to experience my disability and singleness
so that I can know better and love better

With empathy and compassion

Because He was betrayed and rejected.

And He comforts us so that we can comfort.

BIG BLESSINGS!

The roller coast ride continues for me here at ywam.  I swing from the depths of despair thinking I'll never be able to memorize all of the material, to sheer delight at having presented a whole section in front of a group.

Add to this my complicated and somewhat frightening bathroom routine, frequent migraines, a bladder infection and some isolation due to the chair and there are times when I am seriously wondering about this journey God has me on in life.

However, after some serious SOS calls to the Lord and prayer I rally again and find joy in the beauty that surrounds me, the fun life of community, the prepared meals and the amazing fact that Patrice and Anita are here to enjoy this time with me.

Anita's a great room mate...

Providing all sorts of entertainment. 

And making sure the practical things in my life get done.  Like getting my shower chair put together creating an afternoon of work for two doctors and a dentist.  

And there are these kind of lovely people that I get to hang out with and enjoy.

The worship morning in our class this week was so healing and it was good to focus on Jesus and to pray in tongues, trusting Him to work out EVERYTHING.  I received sweet prayer from a lovely Brazilian woman Ruth who saw a picture of Jesus inviting me to dance with Him.

Last night was the Ohana night when the whole campus meets together for worship and a message plus other stuff.  As I was sitting at the sidelines watching the huge sun sink into the clouds, Loren Cunningham appeared and asked me if he could interview me on the stage.  Well, okay then!

So I gave the little testimony about my accident and he spoke about the need to be careful about which side of the road people should walk on and the need for great caution due to the high number of drunk drivers and druggies that are on the road around here.

Then Loren asked everyone to extend their hands to me and he laid his hand on my head and prayed a blessing over me that I would be able to impact the nations and I can't remember what else.  Cause I was on the stage and under the lights and everything like that.  And there was a Korean interpreter involved which kind of threw me a bit.

So it's all good. Anita reminded me just now about how amazing that was to have so many people all blessing me and I am grateful to God for that privilege.  Plus she said she saw a picture of two big angels up on the stage with me which is also good.  I'm praying those angels will NOT leave my side…

I am drinking in everything good about being out here.  The sweet men who push me faithfully up that long hill in the intense afternoon heat.  Anita who brings meals to the room for me when I ask her to.  My dear daughter who helped me to shower and do laundry yesterday even after she worked a long day in the kitchen.  The sound of tropical birds outside, conversations and people noises around the Go Center, and the music floating into my room from my neighbour, Jonas' room.  I am blessed to have a real Hawaiian for a neighbour.

And these dear classmates who bring me great delight and joy...

So much good.  Give me eyes to keep seeing it and not to give in to any self pity I pray dear Jesus…

Victory!

By the grace of God I was able to memorize AND present the last section we learned yesterday before the class.

I volunteered to be one of the first two people to do this, because I knew I needed to get back on that horse...

And I am SO glad that I did.

Feels like a miracle.

The class was so incredibly encouraging,
And I actually enjoyed the presentation - I was able to do it with passion and joy and expression.

I am amazed and so thankful.

Interestingly, I had to present again to a "real" audience this morning and despite the fact that I messed up and forgot parts and got things mixed up, I continued on and finished.

In front of a seemingly uninterested class.
Haha.

It was 8:00 am and they probably weren't ready for long scriptural recitations.

Onward and upward!

Menno-Pause?

Ok, so maybe I bit off a bit more than I can chew here.

I actually cried after class on the way up the hill yesterday as the Brazilian courageously pushed me along.

For whatever reason, my brain is having a really hard time retaining the lines that I am trying to commit to memory.  I don't know if it is the menno-pause thing or just the way my brain works...

Ah well, I will persevere and pray for grace to keep forging ahead each day.

Today I was struggling with headaches too, so it was a harder day.

Tomorrow will be better!

His grace IS sufficient for me.

I did have a sweet meeting with my "neighbour" in the room next to me.  His name is Jonas and he is a sweet young Hawaiian who is staffing a school here.  He's in a wheelchair as well and he is the one who advocated for me in regards to getting me into the Go Center, as he knew from personal experience that the other rooms would not work.

When I look at his struggle I am humbled by how much I have had access to and I realize that I need to be more grateful.

God is truly good, all the time!

My room is the first door to the right, overlooking the common area.  It's a wonderful building to be staying in, even if it is a little noisy! 

The Bigger Picture and the Smaller Picture

I now send you, to open their eyes . . . that they may receive forgiveness of sins . . . —Acts 26:17-18

This is a very significant verse in that it presents the BIGGER picture of my life and why I am here.

Yesterday Loren Cunningham spoke and he mentioned Psalm 119:105 where the light to our path is the bigger picture and the lamp to our feet represents the next step in the journey.  

Like me - jumping out of bed right now and going to find the young man who has been assigned to take me down the hill to PRESENT the passage I have not yet memorized.


Ahhh, jumping off the cliff here...

overwhelmed already!

So the class is in full swing - Word By Heart.
Amazing leadership, fantastic classmates,

Such beautiful people; the nationalities adding a richness and depth to the process of text analysis and discovery.

There is the rhythm of intercession and worship built into our schedule and we are each supposed to spend one hour a day of "personaltimewithgod"!!  I've got a blog where I can pour out my heart to the Lord and journal this experience and any revelations I receive on the way.

So many wonderful things and so many very hard things here in Kona for me.

As always, there is the adjustment for me to the physical barriers I have to deal with.  The bathroom is one of them and I still don't have a shower set up, but I have faith that it will happen.  My bed is very tall so it's a huge effort to jump up into it, but I imagine my muscles will be strengthened through my time here!  The toilet is a huge challenge I have to face several times a day.  My inability to get into town on my own.

 HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT for ME and His power will rest on my weakness.

It's also kind of sweet how the Lord is dealing with me in regards to my "independent streak".

There's absolutely NO WAY I can get back and forth to my class which is at the bottom of a very long hill.

THEREFORE I have been assigned a team of lovely young Brazilian guys who come to my door to accompany me up and down the hill.  Holding me back from sliding into the ocean on the way down and pushing with all of their might to get me back to my room after class.  Outrageous really, and quite sweet.  So I pray that I will somehow be a blessing to them as they perform this service of great kindness for me.  It's been hard to accept in that I hate to make people work for me and to make them experience discomfort because of my disability (I can hear the guys grunting and see the sweat on their faces at the top of the hill)   AHHHH, there is still so much territory in this heart of mine that needs complete renovation.

But faithful is He who called me.
"He will perfect that which concerns me" is a word that I got from God a few months before coming out here and I realize now that word probably has a lot more to do with heart renovation than it does with circumstances….

So I submit to all of this and the solutions that God will provide in His great kindness.

A New Season...

Wow, I am in Hawaii.

Arrived here on January first.
Palm trees and tropical birds...
A very happy New Year to ME!!


Amazingly enough everything that needed to get done before I left got done!
I had a couple of lovely days with the family as Vic and Marcia arrived on the 30th, the same day that Patrice flew out for Hawaii.

Patrice had a rather eventful trip due to customs going through her luggage, questioning her and causing her to miss her flight.  So she spent a night in the Seattle Airport and finally made it to Hawaii the next afternoon.

But now she's busy here on the base being a Mission Builder, working in the kitchen to feed the hundreds of people on the base.  She's getting to know some of her work crew and is staying off campus at Hale Ole.

I am amazed and humbled and ever so grateful to be here for the winter term.
For so many years I have hoped and dreamed of coming here for a winter and perhaps making it my perpetual winter "nesting place" to escape the Kelowna cold and this year it actually happened.

Thank you JESUS!!

The Lord has provided an accessible room for me - even though it all only came together in the last couple of days before my arrival.  I am in the exact same room that Ron and I stayed in back in 1995 when we were here for our CDTS.


Something that feels a little more challenging is the fact that my class is down a very steep hill from my room and it's VERY HARD work to push me up the hill.  This is hard on my nerves and shoulder muscles and really hard for whoever is behind me!  The brown building at the bottom of the picture is where our classes are held and this is the pretty pathway down.

Anyways, nothing is impossible for God and I must trust Him with all of these details.

As far as my class goes I AM ENTHRALLED and SUPER EXCITED!!
What an amazing privilege to be able to sit for a whole term and study and experience and memorize the gospel of Luke.
My class is made up of about 16 people from 13 different nations.
They are an absolute delight and it looks like the instructors are very knowledgeable.

So my adventure has begun and I am trusting for His mercies to carry me through each day.  I keep getting super hot and then cold so either I'm fighting a cold or I'm blazing into a season of hot flashes in a hot place.

It's going to be a scorcher…
The fire of God and my own internal hormonal storm.