After saying to my friends tonight that I didn't care about seeing the fireworks, what did I do?
I went outside IN MY TINY PAJAMAS to watch the fireworks!
All by myself.
The dogs were freaked out and both hid out in my bedroom while I ventured out.
Good thing I wasn't relying on them for my protection. It appears they both want me to protect them tonight so I'm not making Moose sleep in the living room by himself quite yet.
I am a merciful master.
I didn't think I cared about the fireworks - been there, done that... but when I heard the booming sound echoing up the valley I couldn't resist and I went out into the windy dark night with little drops of rain trickling spattering on me and caught the brightest and the best of the colors and lights.
What a lovely thing - to celebrate the birthdate of this marvelous country with a day off to enjoy our freedom in any way we please.
I continue to pray that God will truly keep our land "glorious and free".
I had a lovely little BBQ with some of the family. The son's girlfriend moved into town so we're already seeing less of them. Many fun activities in town to entertain so I must graciously release. Grateful for the ones I can gather around the table!! We had to eat inside AGAIN due to the strangely cool and unpredictable weather we've had all spring and now into summer. Oma and Opa seem to be extremely willing and able to come up for BBQ's. Their life has become so skinny as so many of their friends have passed on, their energy is waning and Oma has lost so much of her freedom without being able to drive and read. So, I'm trying to provide occasions for togetherness and entertainment. In my own season of loneliness I am able to minister to someone else's!
I've been struggling again on that roller coaster - feeling so isolated and lonely even though I know my friends are only a phone call away. My thoughts are my worst enemy and I must consciously grab a hold of them and redirect them if I am to prevent an emotional crash.
Too much time alone and too much time to think.
It seems my friends are all so busy at a time of life when I have entered what feels like a void.
Interesting, descriptive term - void.
It was brought to my attention last night when I attended a little contemplative prayer evening at someone's home. There were just four of us there and the meditation was very powerful.
Ending with communion. The meditation was from a book written by Richard Rohr called
"Everything Belongs" and here are some excerpts:
" Grace will lead us into fears and voids, and grace will fill us, if we are willing to stay in the void. We mustn't engineer an answer too quickly. To stay in God's hands, to trust, means that to a certain degree I have to stop taking a hold of things myself . I have to hold instead to a certain degree of uncertainty, fear and tension. This takes patience and grace."
and this quote is absolutely lovely and reassuring:
"God looks at the places in us that are trying to say 'yes'."
So I will keep trying to say yes to God - yes to the void, if that is what will help me to love Him more and a resounding yes to the grace that will come and fill me!
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