My Mount Everest

Honestly, when I signed up for this TESL course I had NO IDEA what I was getting into. It's been like climbing Mt. Everest. And my life has been so without this element of stressful academia for so many years that I am almost in shock. My head feels incredibly full and I have to keep putting off doing little things because there is something bigger looming. LOOMING!

I sat at the back of my practicum class today watching my fellow student rattle off intelligent sentences while looking completely composed. Her vocabulary is very academic and she comes up with THE greatest ideas to make her lessons fun and exciting. She is artsy and thinks entirely differently than I do. It's actually been fun working alongside her on the lessons we have to teach together because I get to glean so much from her. She is one of several brilliant students in my class (I sit beside one every week as well).
Next to them I feel like a little country bumpkin!
With a little brain.
But somehow I am managing to pull off high marks.
It surprises me, let me tell you!!
Tonight, apparently, my marks were even higher than the brilliant, high achieving , degree possessing student beside me. We have had fun comparing marks as we've been fairly close all year. Last time she beat me.
I was dreading getting this particular module's marks back because I felt I hadn't done very well.
And there it was, a 96%.
Shocker.

Anyways, back to my Mount Everest.
Today was my turn to teach for my practicum.
In front of real students while being evaluated by a real teacher.
I only taught for one hour and it seemed to go well.
But.
I can hardly even rejoice.
I am only 1/10 done my practicum and the worst is yet to come.
I know that sounds overly dramatic but I don't know if I'm cut out for this kind of stress.
I still have to write two three hour lesson plans. And teach them.
AND write an essay on something profound having to do with cross cultural issues and teaching.
(Using 4 references with APA reference citations - what the heck??)

Ok, it may seem that I am over-reacting, but this is on my mind ALOT.
A LOT.
When I told my son yesterday that I will be so glad when this week is over, he promptly informed me that I say that every week.
Has it really been that bad?
I've ordered books on grammar from AMAZON so that I can learn grammar.
I am supposed to be able to teach grammar!!!

Well, I am going to push through.
That's all there is to it.
I will keep climbing higher.
I will make camp, rise the next day and go forth to greater heights.
Somewhere, in the misty blue yonder I will suddenly find myself at the top.
I will plant my little flag of victory and say "THANK YOU JESUS!"

I'm sorry for all this whining but somehow it feels better to get it down.
Better to write than to eat.
Which I want to do alot of these days.
The nervous tension make me want to chew.

Good night.