College Days and Butterflies

I have been waiting for this evening to arrive.
And here it is, in all it's peace and glory.

The arrival of this evening means that I have completed a rather complex homework assignment that I agonized over for many hours. Too many hours I believe, but I guess this is what it feels like to stretch and learn. And more importantly, the arrival of this evening means that my last micro-teaching presentations at the college is over. During the presentations they bring in actual students and the rest of the class and the teacher sit evaluating you and filling out forms. PLUS they film you thinking you might just want to watch the whole process repeated at a later date.
I don't think so.

But it's Saturday night.
And my assignments are both completed and handed in.
Of course it feels like I didn't do a good enough job,
and I'm kind of embarrassed by my lack of skill in teaching properly today...
But I'll get over it.

Oh happy day.

Thankfully I had booked an evening with my butterfly friends in the midst of my final craze of preparation. It gave me a wonderful reprieve from the stress of the assignment.

I set the table so pretty and bought chocolate Roses and butterfly napkins.
I put on a candle and soft music in preparation for the long awaited evening.

The Butterflies arrived and we feasted on Chinese food, wine and extravagant dessert.
We laughed ourselves silly and once again shared our stories and lives.
The presence of God swirling around us, knitting us together in sweet love.




A dear friend who lost her precious husband of one year is literally dancing her way through grief.
Another precious friend finds herself working in what feels like the Kingdom of Xerxes and is amazed at how the story of Queen Esther is being played out in her life as the scepter of God is repeated extended to her.
And one sweet sister is finding the faithfulness of God played out in a multitude of ways as she trains caregivers to honor the elderly and as she ministers to God by loving her family despite the story not playing out as she thought it might.
I feel honored to call these ones my friends.
My delightful butterflies!

I am rich.
The colors of these friends as they spread their wings and fragrance in my home leaves me kissed once again by my precious Savior.

He kisses me with the kisses of His mouth and tells me
"You are altogether beautiful my darling".

It seems to good to be true!
To be loved so absolutely and completely.

Funny, that

This happens to me when I'm supposed to be doing homework:
I write blogs.
And I drink coke and eat chips for supper.
I make phone calls to people that have been on my list to call for some time.
I take the dogs outside and play.
I check my e-mails repeatedly.
I write responses to letters that have been there for awhile.
I wash my bathroom floor.
Laundry gets done.
I drink apple cider vinegar.
I move from the kitchen table to the office desk to my bed.
And then I get up and go back to the kitchen table again.

I am feeling so TENSE.
Mostly because when I try to actually do the work it's a little over my head.
Maybe a lot over my head. And I get so little done in light of the presentation I have to do at the college on Saturday.
Another dreaded "microteaching" with a lesson plan to be handed in.

But I just feel so determined to finish this course.
As much as it is stretching me and stressing me out and keeping me busy,
it's somehow very life-giving at the same time.
And I'm still loving the interaction with the other students.

So, I'm back to writing my writing lesson plan. It should be up to two hours long for an advanced class of ESL students who will be learning about how to write a letter to an editor.
Advanced means they're most likely smarter than I am and therein lies the problem!
Ahhhhhhhhhh!

I know I just need to buckle down, learn the stuff and then figure out how to teach it.
I can do this.
I will do this.

Keeping On

Opened the Bible again to a wonderful scripture.
(There's lots of them in there actually!)
I particularly like it in this version:

He Himself took our iniquities
and carried away our diseases.
Matthew 8:17b

I'll be taking that one for myself.
I like that picture of Him carrying "away" our diseases.
As much as my faith has taken a beating in praying for healing,
I still believe. I have to, actually.
I know He allows hardships and I know He heals.
So, I will ask for protection and healing.
And be thankful for another day.

Observing English classes with immigrants.
Enjoying their sweet interaction with each other,
sharing their lives and stories.

And off to a Doctor's appointment.
To make sure I will live. And move. On both sides of my body, all together now.
He is setting things up for me to see a neurologist.
And I'm getting bloodwork done.
But apparently my symptoms put me low on the list of urgency.
I am happy happy happy for that!
AND...........AND I STILL GET TO TAKE MY MIGRAINE MEDICATIONS!!!!

That is a huge relief. I've been struggling with one since yesterday so I just happily popped one of my miracle "go away" migraine pills in my mouth. Now the Son and I can enjoy the butter chicken I made (my own version that contains broccoli and peppers and of course chicken).

The Edge

Sometimes I feel like I'm living on the edge.
Like this morning for instance.
I woke up and while dressing I noticed that half of my face wasn't working. I couldn't form my mouth to swallow my saliva and half of my face wouldn't smile. My left arm was acting a little strange as well.
I was freaked out as the realization of what had happened dawned on me.

A TIA?!? Could it be?

Shoot. I don't want to have these things happening to me.
All sorts of thoughts about loss and a potentially changed life flitted through my mind. (the parts that were working)
Thankfully it resolved itself quickly - the one thing that took a little longer was the swallowing.
And I felt really tired.
Daniel decided it was best if he drove me around.
He came to church with me and took the Koreans and I to Vernon because I had promised them a day out of the city.
What a gift he is to me.
His kindness is one of those kisses from Jesus.

I was grateful to be at church. Worship is incredibly healing and centering.
Singing to the Alpha and Omega.
He is worthy to be praised.
Always, Always, Always.
Worthy to be praised.
So I will give Him glory, whether with my whole face or half my face...
He is Worthy to be praised.
I will trust Him with my life and my Body.
And cry out for healing and protection.

He is my shield and my very great reward.

Best of All Songs

Song of Solomon 1 (The Message)

Song of Solomon 1

1The Song—best of all songs—Solomon's song!

The Woman
Kiss me—full on the mouth!
Yes! For your love is better than wine,
headier than your aromatic oils.
The syllables of your name murmur like a meadow brook.
No wonder everyone loves to say your name!

4 Take me away with you! Let's run off together!
An elopement with my King-Lover!
We'll celebrate, we'll sing,
we'll make great music.
Yes! For your love is better than vintage wine.
Everyone loves you—of course! And why not?

Focus on Him

Well, I found out tonight from JG that Lent has officially begun.
He knew exactly what the Lord had told him to do.
That didn't surprise me at all. He's probably the Godliest young man I know.
Seriously.

I began to stress wondering what on earth I would do for Lent.
I had been trying to find a way to break up the 40 days into groups of 10 so I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed by the whole prospect. Last year was a bit of a write off for me as I broke down rather rapidly.
I thought maybe since JG's idea sounded so good I should make that my fast as well. That way I wouldn't have to "come up" with my own idea!! As you can see I was seriously lacking courage and wisdom in this venture.
Once again forgetting what it's all about.

So, on my drive home I dared to talk to Jesus about it.
Actually afraid of what He might ask me to give up. Heaven help me!!

In His great kindness He simply said He wanted me.
To focus on Him.
To spend time in the Song of Songs together with Him.
He misses me. And I miss Him.

So, forty days to regain focus.
The pursuit of love.

I actually read a story last Saturday about how one day our hands will reach out and hold onto the hands of God. And then our hands will reach up and touch His face. This brought me to tears.

The dream of touching the face of God made me remember how much I love Him.
I don't know when exactly the fear got in between us again, the guilt and legalism and stuff.
Ugly, ugly stuff.
But I'm trusting it will lose it's power as I obey Him in this.
Not giving something up and focusing on how good I'm doing on that, as is my habit.
But adding, adding the most important thing.

I want to be like Mary who went after Him.
Poured out her perfume - her most precious possession.
Trusted in Him when He told her she was forgiven.

So, tonight I meditate on the first lines.
Let Him Kiss me with the kisses of His mouth...

Thriving

Just another happy little report that all is well in my world. La di da di da!!

The bean is happily situated in Guatemala and I'm able to communicate often with her. It does my heart good to see her face smiling back at me on my computer screen.

My TESL course is challenging and I'm passing it (even grammar), plus I'm having so much FUN with my classmates!! It's like being in grade school again and the community that comes with that is so fascinating and delightful for me! I also love to get assignments back with positive feedback... Oh I am a sucker for good grades. Unfortunately I've realized that my learning styles are still similar to what they were in days gone by. I don't "get" alot of what I'm being taught, at least not very completely, but I sure love getting the homework done with good grades. Kinda sad, but true. I'm hoping that I'll catch on to more of it when I actually have to teach it. The amount of information that is being thrown at us is overwhelming, to say the least. And some of my classmates already have their degree in teaching!! Not me - so I sit like a deer in head lights, shuffling papers and trying to snag onto some of the points that are coming at us hard and fast.

I've realized that another reason I am doing well this winter is that my mom's health is significantly better than it has been for a couple of years now. I don't think I realized exactly how heavily that weighed on my heart and how it drained so much life out of me. I know that circumstances probably shouldn't be allowed to have so much power over us, but sometimes they are just compounded and you begin to seriously lag in energy and motivation.

And having Daniel home with me has been just lovely.
Last night we watched a movie together,
We have some fun suppers together.
It's just nice having another body floating around the house here with me.
So, I AM seeing the goodness of God in the land of the living.
I AM swimming in the amazing expanse of the lovingkindness of God.
I AM feeling renewed hope and am enjoying days with more energy.

I AM GRATEFUL! Thriving in the kind graces that God pours upon me daily.