Sunday, May 21, 2023
Sunday Song of Praise
Thursday, May 18, 2023
Story of a Friendship
John 1 In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was already with God in the beginning. Everything came into existence through him. Not one thing that exists was made without him. He was the source of life, and that life was the light for humanity. The light shines in the dark, and the dark has never extinguished it.
Wednesday, May 17, 2023
Garden Visits, Tears and Worship
Sunday, April 30, 2023
Birthday Week
Greetings Beloved Friends & Family,
Thursday, April 20, 2023
Gentle Landing
Tuesday, April 18, 2023
Disjointed History
I've been here in hospital just over two weeks now in a ward that has a marvellous huge windows over-looking the sky and mountains and lake. The days are pretty scrambled in my head because of all the meds I was getting but I'm getting less now.
From my bleed on Tuesday the 4th followed by an ambulance ride and quick intake, there was a lot of action (esophageal scope where I geeked out on feeling like I was pulled into a circle of green AI chairs moving in circles. I came to gripping the bar on my bed loudly stating "I'm coming back to earth! followed by another loud proclamation "FORGET THE CYBORG REVOLUTION - IT''S ALL ABOUT THE JEUS REVOLUTION!!" That was one of those unfortunate circumstances I would prefer not be repeated.
Henry & Sue, Patrice & Anita were hanging with me all of that day except when I needed to be whisked off to another test. In the CT Scan unfortunately they blew my vein because it has to be such a rapid push so I was BURNING in my arm and somehow right across my ribs.
I don't know if they ever got a proper picture of that. My veins just continue to collapse leaving me with a mess of bruises that area slowly disappearing.
I was allowed ice chips following the scope and they were most exciting at that point in time.
After that it was the popsicles and little bits of food.
The Ultimate Richness of saying YES!! over and over again...
So, way back in the day when I was about 17 I was asked to work with kids in Sunday school and I was SO NOT inspired by that idea. So I didn't. To be honest I found kids annoying and out of control... Then when we went to YWAM in my early 20's I was specifically placed in the "Keiki Corner" with my mentor Barb who was highly trained to worked with preschoolers and had a unique ability to understand and draw out their spirituality. It was obvious that God was calling me into something and there's always the temptation to run the other way, but thankfully this time I didn't! By the end of my work time at YWAM I had a newfound passion and love for working with kids and the rest is history.
I didn't find it particularly easy to jump into any kinds of kids ministry as it required something from me - it pulled from my innermost being ideas and a need to call out to God for freshness and His ideas to keep things alive and real and TANGIBLE. I had been broken in some ways in my "efforts" to obey God... and with my personality it's really easy for things to become legalistic. Thankfully, right from 10 years of age where I gave my life to Jesus, He showed up for me in a tangible way, when I ran out the cabin door the next morning and all of nature had become new in a bright tangible way! There were lots of struggles along the way but I was determined not to give up! Years later I was set free from loads of legalism through a home study I did by MIke Bickle on the "Song of Songs" (of all things!) and finding out that I was the passion and desire and deep love of God's heart switched on all kinds of bulbs and there was a newfound delight in bypassing all the lies I had come to believe that I was not good enough, would never be enough, would always be stuck in judging others and being judged... I realized it was only by focusing my entire walk and life on the truth and beauty of how incredibly loved I was and that HE HAD ALREADY paid the whole price. I just needed to become ONE with Him, leaning into Him and onto Him with a beautiful constancy and therefore it truly is my desire that as I finish my race, I will be one of the ones who is coming out of the desert leaning on her Beloved... Oh the wonder and glory that He has made this all possible and I will truly DWELL in the house of the Lord (His presence and amazing world) forever and ever amen.
I ended up teaching Sunday school for years and had such sweet times with he kids, learning as much from them as they did from me. This was followed by years of teaching kids with dyslexia which was another really rich and beautiful experience of mostly working one on one with kids, having the opportunity to pray over them and speak truth into the places where they felt broken and not enough.
In a rare post I put on FB, I mentioned my illness just wanting people to be in the loop and to pray if they felt led. To my utter amazement and embarrassment, so very many people responded with so much kindness and love and encouragement. I have to just keep getting over the hurdle that when people say kind things about me, they are really speaking to the reflection of Christ they have somehow managed to see, despite how much of ME tends to keep popping up!!
There were so many precious responses, but these two speak to the glory of us picking up what can initially feel like a cross in our lives (because for real - the exhaustion you experience after teaching and the stress beforehand for me was not easy!) and watching God build and grow something beautiful out of our tiny sacrifice of love.
So if you're feeling nudged by God into an area that feels like it could be life-giving but is still a little scary, keep your radar up and don't shut the door too quick!! Someday, down the road lives will be changed for eternity... and that's really what it's all about...
***************************
"Hi Mrs. Karen, my heart breaks with this news but at the same time my spirit is welling up with a deep hope and joy as I think about how your life has been and will continue to be a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness, I have never met someone who is so in love with Jesus, and for that you have been so influential in my life. To see someone who suffers in a way I will never understand, trust and love Jesus and find hope in Him is truly only by the power of the Holy Spirit. When I was 8 years old, you planted seeds that have grown into a low for God's Word, a desire to encourage and speak truth over others, and a faith so fierce I could overcome anything. And the way you would be so excited to see me every time we crossed paths mean the world to a youngster like me. I will be praying that the hope of the resurrection and the life of the world to come would shine ever so bright in this time, and that you taste the glory that is coming as you suffer and that you would experience intimacy with Jesus like never before as you walk the path He walked so long ago, and will rise again with Him. How I cannot wait for us to be reunited again one day! Blessings to you (J)"
********************************
"Thank you Mrs. Karen for installing in me an unshakable faith with deep roots. The Lord used you in such a tangible way to guide me as I built the foundation of my faith. You were there for the most formative time in my life when the seeds of my faith were planted. I still sing the songs you taught us and hear your sweet voice singing the tunes of "My Sheep listen to my voice, I know them and they follow me" or "your words have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you". You taught me to trust God and trust that I know when His voice is speaking. I can't put into words the impact you have had on my life and truly you are a major part of the reason I will follow the Lord all the days of my life.
💕Thank you , thank you, thank you! Your encouragement and love built the deep confidence in me saying I am loved by the Father and can love others freely. I hope to continue sharing what you taught me with others and love the way I saw you love. 💕 Thank you Lord for Mrs. Karen and will you welcome her with overwhelming joy. Until we hug again in heaven and it will be just like "my secret place: you taught me to imagine Heaven to be! I remember when you taught us to imagine our secret place to talk to God... Maybe you can go ahead of me and enjoy my secret place before I join you! (C)"
Sunday, April 16, 2023
Love from over the Ocean
I've also wrestled with including poems or writing for me, but I'm jutst going to 'get over me' here and share the kindness, this wave of love that is moving me forward or simply buoying me through this tangled time that has turned into an ocean of peace.My breathing seems to have eased which is awesome. I'm on one slow dose released painkiller every 24 hours and something else to keep the ulcer from acting up again. Occasionally I'll add a little something to extend my sleeping time but there is this danger of the effects messing with my brain late into the day. It's difficult to have a pleasant conversation when your eyes keep wanting to roll back into your head while you fall into a pleasant sleep.
I have been spurred on to pray JESUS over my sweet room mates who have ongoing issues with digestion, vomiting, the other problem, TPN, NG tubes with ugly looking feeds going in and making them feel horrible. So I pray and they receive with gratitude.
One of our foursome left and before she did she came over to my bedside and said "You've made your peace with God, now I've made mine". That was unbearably precious to me.
It can be (and was) just that simple for her.
Hallelujah.
Saturday, April 8, 2023
Poems of my Strange & Tangled Journey of Healing
In my strange and tangled "journey of "healing" I have been receiving a deluge of loving words and cards and flowers and tangible love. But on a very different note, here are a few very unique and delightful examples of actual POETRY along with a comical response to an e-mail request I made.
Someone named Rachel Devenish Ford (a friend, an author, mother, world traveler...) whom I greatly respect and who has an incredible gift with words took the time to write a poem for me... I feel so unworthy of such a tribute for the little I did to "earn it" but I'll simply receive with open arms because God actually loves us with such lavishness and speaks with such passion over and into us. In fact, this Easter Weekend is the evidence of love that surpasses our understanding - radical, beautiful, outrageous sacrificial love. "Love so amazing, so divine..." Today, on the Saturday between GOOD FRIDAY there is the profound, silent, agonizing, pregnant wait,
Pregnant with hope...
who is it, that holds me
that shelters?
what immense bowl of stars
do i swim in?
these planets
around this sun.
i live on the one that looks
like home, with clouds that move
over deep seas. only on one.
my feet can only stand on one
square foot of earth.
who is my father, my mother?
what great power breathes through me
made me into someone who dreams
and is much more than the shape
of any given minute or hour.
i am not my work
i am not my food
i am not the numbers in my
bank account.
i ask you to stay with me
these veins and muscles need you
this body that curls
or leaps or runs and runs and runs
needs its shelter.
who is it, that holds me
in their cupped hand like a bird
just before flight?
for Karen
my sister lived with our friend, once
when we traveled back from India and
our friend made space for us in her home
oh, how I love seeing people in my kitchen,
she said in the morning, wheeling her chair out of her bedroom
and into the space we were occupying like a pile
of puppies with harried parents.
one child pretending they knew how to play piano
another spilling their breakfast, one crying for more
of something or other, another getting the dogs hyper.
she looked at us and loved us and those words
were more healing to me than most sentences i have
ever heard. some words bring you right inside
i don’t know how to tell you about her voice
about the infectious joy or how much she loves
her daughter, or how she talks about God as though
the whole world was nothing but light through leaves
we played a concert on her lawn
lamps in the dusk, my sister arranged the details
we sat under the trees in her orchard
she rested in the afternoons when her body was hurting
but then, again, the next day, the joy.
we ate outside so we wouldn’t miss a moment of summer
and she knows how to live and we went to the beach
and i felt embraced, held, i felt like i was not a burden
with my large, unwieldy family
she is sick now and her body has already
been through so much. i would light every candle for her
we pray, we pray for healing
the faith and love and care, oh, when i have guests
and i want to make them feel welcome
i think of her, i think
how can i make them feel the way she made me feel?
oh God, your daughter is in pain
your daughter hurts
i had to come back for Jesus, she told me
He was all that i had in the end
there is no one i think of more
when i think of joy.