A Day of Respite

I haven't been feeling well these past days; feverish and tired.

After our group's virtual prayer meeting last night where I had asked for prayer, I headed to bed after getting mom tucked in and had a restful, good sleep and awoke feeling well.

Oh, Glory.

I got a call that was full of joyful news for the one calling but it sent a foreboding of deep sadness and loss through me.

Reminding me of the difficulty of life in a wheelchair.  

It's one full of restrictions and limitations and I began to go down the dangerous vortex of self pity.

Thinking of how complicated my life feels and how it is full of loss.

This perspective is a melancholy one and normally I veer away from it, choosing to view my glass as being half-full of something delicious. 

Because really it is.  I am able to do so much and I have been given so much!

But sometimes my vision gets cloudy and the good stuff fades into the background.

However, thankfully today is the beginning of my reprieve... so I knew I would be able to distract myself and sort through my feelings afterwards

After getting gas (where, sadly, the attendant informed me that his business is only 1/5 of normal due to the shut down) I dropped mom off at Tante Hilda's and went to the pet store to get supplies for the puppies. It's fun to go shopping with a clear, simple mission especially these days when outings are rare. 

Then I indulged in a large mocha latte and a small hamburger as I did my drive-through banking errands and headed home through the sunshine and blossom laden orchards.

I was sighing with contentment as I sipped my drink and enjoyed the sight of Winnie curled up on the seat next to me.
What a delightful little gift this piglet is, with her pink nose and red rimmed eyes. 

I pushed away the feelings of crushing loss and enjoyed my day of respite - reading a beautiful book I received for my birthday (Becoming Mrs. Lewis), spending time out in the sunshine inhaling the intoxicating scent of lilacs and spring air, and eating a whole bag of cheezies.  

I have felt the kindness and kisses of Jesus in a multitude of ways and I am aware of His care and love, but I am also very aware of the reality and immediacy of trials in the here and now.

It's okay to feel the tangle of the good and the hard, to cry and ache and to look for reprieve.

Ultimately I come home to my heart in His and settle in again knowing He's got this painful situation and He's got me - today and tomorrow and forever. 

I will continue to lean in and press my face into Him.  

Breathe in His scent and draw strength from His breath and from the river of life which flows from Him.