Deeply Humbled

Still wanting to process some of my Jerusalem experiences.
The Gathering was such a highlight.  Usually I sat in the overflow room as it was easier to access and move around in. A nice big screen and good sound allowed us to easily follow and participate in whatever was happening just across the hall in the big theatre. However, there's just something about being right where the action is taking place.

The energy and first hand experience is that much more "accessible" so on the final night I had Hannah take me right to the front where I parked myself in an aisle beside some reserved seating.  There was nowhere for Hannah and Anita to sit so they went up to the balcony where more of their friends were and I remained close to the front.

Alone.

My choice, but still it felt lonely. I arrived with my heart literally aching, feeling the isolation my condition forces upon me as well as the "differentness" of my life and the burden that I feel that I am. It's a pretty big part of living with my disability - this being alone thing - but for the most part there is lots of grace and just a submitting to what is.

But this night I felt overwhelmed with sadness, so very aware of my personal darkness, those areas that I still struggle with. There was something so hard about being in the midst of this beautiful, vibrant, excited, huge multi national crowd and to be sitting by myself.  And I began to cry.

In the midst of this pain I bowed my head to pray and I felt the presence of Jesus come very near and sensed that He was kneeling before me to wash my feet.
It completely undid me.
That He would show up in that posture.
I didn't even know how to work through that picture, to go much deeper than sensing the beauty of His coming near to wash my feet.

Knowing He has already washed me and I am clean because of His blood,
But also knowing the need for daily communion and cleansing from the "experiential" daily dust and filth that wants to cling to me if I am not careful to stay present with Him.

I don't know, how does one compute that the King of the Universe, the Omnipotent One, the Savior, the Messiah, comes so near and bows to wash one's feet?

How?  How can one not break into pieces with humility and joy and be overcome with the power of this precious act?  And to top it all off I then sensed that He kissed me on top of my head saying  "I see, I know...".

Unworthy and deeply humbled am I.
And yet He comes.  So very near.  Wanting to touch those places that I would rather keep hidden.  Those places of pride and independence and self reliance.

His presence reveals and He comes to heal us in our brokenness.

Me in my brokenness.

That's how amazing HE is.  The great I AM.