Sometimes...

But not very often, I feel really sad about my "dis-abilities".

Sometimes I feel locked into this body and there is no key to let me out

for even just a little walk, or run, or stand up hug, or swim, or bath.

Today is one of those days.

Of course hormones are involved.

They just heighten all kinds of emotions that I'm usually able to keep well below sea level.

So anyways, I'm feeling the sadness and I'm humble enough and brave enough and hormonal enough to actually write it here.

This too is my life.

Spasms that wrack my body, sometimes for hours on end, driving up my blood pressure and leaving me utterly exhausted.

Low grade pain that drives me to lay down at every possible opportunity, missing out on lots of activities and lots of life outside the confines of my home.

Bathroom issues that keep me close to home and complicate all travels and most of life, more than most people can possibly imagine.

But amazingly enough I do truly swim in oceans of grace.

Most of the time.

I know God will make this up to me one day, and that for the most part, my life is more comfort laden than what most people on this planet experience.

Just sometimes I feel sorry for myself.

This is one of those times.

So, I'll feel these feelings and be sad for a bit.

Experience the loss and validate it for what it is.

Joy and courage will come again.

And meanwhile the sky is blue with fluffy white clouds.

I have my sweet puppies and my dearest daughter here in this warm and cozy room with me.

And underneath my sadness I'm grateful.

The best is yet to come.

Amen.