Cold and Raw

Kinda raw these days.
Overwhelmed by so much in life.
Wondering how it's all going to pan out.
Reminded to trust but finding it hard.

These unruly thoughts are hard to reign in,
especially in the night.
So I gratefully pull out my computer ( new macbook air - a delight and so much easier on my shoulder and elbow - ahhh so many good gifts) and put on a story or sermon to replace my troubled, frantic thoughts with goodness.

Such weak frail creatures we are.
So prone to self seeking and absorption.
I am mortified as I look back over years spent serving myself.
Saddened by sins of omission.
By my cold heart.

Missing the tangible presence of God.
Lonely in that deepest place.

Crying out for revelation, for faith to keep standing.
Crying out for those around me
So many in the midst of long, dark struggles.

Reminded by my dear struggling sister that the enemy
is attempting
at all times
to wear down the saints.
Wearing us down is his plan.
THEREFORE
there must be much Vigilance to recognize the lies
that come disguised in hardship.
Diligence to speak out goodness, truth, gratefulness.

Close the door on self pity, fear and sorrow.
Though the fig tree does not blossom...

Because seriously, the goodness that presses in on me,
from all sides (if I have eyes to see, and ears to hear)
is truly most overwhelming.

If I have eyes to see.
Oh Lord, open my eyes, open my ears
To see even more of your goodness.
To fix my eyes on that goodness till my raw, cold heart
Is healed and whole and laughter fills my mouth again.

Even if it is gloomy and cold and snowy.
The good news today is there is lots of dripping and melting going on out there.
I just witnessed it when I took the dogs out for a little romp.