squares of summer

I'm looking at the calendar.
At all the squares of summer that are left.
And thankfully there are still quite a few!
Although I'm kinda sad that the other page of summer squares is finished.

The sun has been shining lots with the heat turned on full steam.
Wonderful.
The grass is turning very crispy and yellow in many areas.
Not so good.
The flowers are blooming.

I, however have not been running on full steam.
No.  I have not.
Low ebb, empty tank, little movement or motivation.
Spent what felt like too much time laying on my bed watching Olympics last week.
It was so fun to have the lovely daughter's company though.
Watching diving, swimming, trampolining, gymnastics, rowing...
So much excellence, so many medals and many disappointed athletes as well.
The tension of life.
You win some you lose some.

And I, grappling with my own tensions.
Wrestling with that slimy opponent self pity that has been taunting me, loudly, in stereo.  Frequently.  Far too frequently.
Cannot let him become a familiar presence.
Fight fight FIGHT!!  Can't afford to lose this one.
Weapons are brandished - lists of thankfulness thought up and spoken out.
Sadness recognized, tears wept, pain embraced and then rolled onto another's shoulders.
Too heavy to carry, to dangerous to hold.

I remembered a most fantastic passage that I had memorized years ago and declared to be my life passage.

Psalm 27 begins like this:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life
Of whom shall I be afraid?"


and then it ends like this:

"I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord 
    in the land of the living. 
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord."

So that's what I've been doing.  Declaring who's in charge and just speaking out what He has promised.
Then there's waiting involved too.
For the parts in between the promise and the provision.

And there's been respite.  Like this morning we went to the kangaroo farm and I got to hold and feed a baby wallaby.  There were pot bellied pigs and tiny goats too. Emus and kangaroos jumping around.  African Greys that said hello and kissed you.

We got to feed them chips.
Absolutely delightful and very therapeutic for this old soul.

Lots of family gatherings because my dear brother is here with his wife.
My sweet niece arrived with a new boyfriend and introductions were made.
A picnic at the beach last night where the sky turned pink and reflected on the water.  The air was soft and warm.  Conversations flowed and a surprise visit from a dear friend with her three gigantic grown sons cheered me on.

See, there is so much weaponry available.  The blessings are unstoppable.
He is my portion and my cup.
And He's incredibly generous with supersizing
Cause He's crazy about me.
He even sent a man and his crying daughter to tell me that this past Sunday at church.  That "He's in love with me" and, that "He is fighting for my life".
It was actually a huge relief to hear that with my ears from another human.
So that's all really good news that came at a really good time.