Birthday Week

Greetings Beloved Friends & Family,

It’s birthday season here - I just celebrated by 61st this past week and today is my dear mama’s 96th!  Patrice is still here in Kelowna and Daniel came down and we’ve had special family times together out on the beautiful back patio here at the hospice house…eating Thai Food, cake and playing games.  It’s been a wonderful week of visits, flowers, cards and lovely messages, so thank you all again for your constant support and love. 

We played AZUL outside!!

Ryan flew down for the weekend! 

Family Visit with Tante Hilda and Esther, the golden hearted balloons shining love into every corner. (Celia arrived with them in the morning and spent time cleaning up my flowers and just making my life easier which is what she does well. 

I’m so grateful to have minimal pain and the staff here have provided me with a comfortable “broda chair" which has all sorts of wonderful positions as I go outside to admire the flowers or just rest in the sunshine.  For some reason my legs and abdomen are retaining huge amounts of water making it too difficult to move myself or use my old wheelchair.  I feel like I’ve gained at least a 100 lbs!  The abdominal swelling is part of what makes breathing difficult for me at times, as my lungs are pushed upward.  This week I am booked for a  “paracentesis" at the hospital nearby where they will drain some of the fluids off to make me more comfortable.  Please pray that the fluid will not collect again!  I don’t have much of an appetite but Patrice is keeping me healthy by bringing in healthy smoothies she makes for me! . 

My energy is limited so I’m often not up to having visitors -(who knew holding a conversation with someone could take so much energy?!) So please understand that it’s not that I don’t want to see people, it’s just a strange, disorienting season where my body isn’t able to do easily what it did before. I’ve had a few people come in and worship with me which has been very life-giving and comforting.  God’s grace is with me, minute by minute and when fear or disorientation try to push in I start to quote scriptures, often lines from Psalm 23. But for the most part God’s peace is my portion and I’m amazed by the grace of that.  This is His story being lived out through me and I just want to stay close to my Good Shepherd, leaning in, my forehead against His, absorbing His Shalom and light… What a Good, Good Father, and He assures all of us that “THE BEST IS YET TO COME!”in the book of Revelation. So press on, all of you beautiful Saints - make His Name famous wherever you are - cling tightly to the Faithful One and Burn with the glorious Love that flows into us through Jesus!  

Gentle Landing

I'm so grateful to have landed here. They zipped me so quickly in a stretcher from the four bed ward and straight  through these familiar doors.

I was on my back but I recognized the landmarks and the sweet recollections of times we had spent with  Dad flooded me and it had a "home-coming" feel to it. 

Look at the spacious room and big window overlooking trees and grass and bushes and BIRDS!  The birds land right in the little feeder at my window and then flit away again so suddenly but what a delight.

The early morning birdsong is also just heavenly.

There's a lovely big recliner right next to my bed and across from me more chairs and a decorative shelf with cards and flowers. 

The second night I was here they served PIZZA so I nibbled on the edges and let Daniel finish the rest of mine.  They said there was also one for the guests so it was perfect =) The menu here is quite nice as well, it's just always my digestion problems that limit me. 

Patrice has finally figured out how to get a few programs onto the TV that we both enjoy. Escape to the Country and our Azerbajan Cooking show haha. 

And there is a fridge so there is ample space for the kids to hide goodies that they might need to fortify themselves is the need arises! 

The room is quiet but my sleeps are still strangely interrupted, I seem to wake up almost every 1/2 hour, but I don't know how to explain the presence of God in this place.

There is such a gentleness in the air and I literally sometimes just move my arms around as if I am moving through liquid love in the night.

Grateful for this gentle landing place. 

And these gentle beautiful treasures who helped me land well. 

Disjointed History

 I've been here in hospital just over two weeks now in a ward  that has a marvellous huge windows over-looking the sky and mountains and lake.  The days are pretty scrambled in my head because of all the meds I was getting but I'm getting less now. 

From my bleed on Tuesday the 4th followed by an ambulance ride and quick intake, there was a lot of action  (esophageal scope where I geeked out on feeling like I was pulled into a circle of green AI chairs moving in circles.  I came to gripping the bar on my bed loudly stating "I'm coming back to earth! followed by another loud proclamation "FORGET THE CYBORG REVOLUTION - IT''S ALL ABOUT THE JEUS REVOLUTION!!" That was one of those unfortunate circumstances I would prefer not be repeated.

Henry & Sue, Patrice & Anita were hanging with me all of that day except when I needed to be whisked off to another test.  In the CT Scan unfortunately they blew my vein because it has to be such a rapid push so I was BURNING in my arm and somehow right across my ribs.  

I don't know if they ever got a proper picture of that.  My veins just continue to collapse leaving me with a mess of bruises that area slowly disappearing.  

I was allowed ice chips following the scope and they were most exciting at that point in time.  

After that it was the popsicles and little bits of food. 

So very much legal stuff was accomplished in these 10 days or so since a "Speed Order" had been placed and pretty much everything got done.  Shares transferred, property transferred, money transferred, and wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles Ron and I are finally legally separated which allowed all of this to take place.

So I am grateful for Vic getting the ball rolling and helping the kids over all the hurdles and mazes and for the amazing work of the lawyers and our accountant.  

Daniel and Patrice stepped up and were running to and fro signing papers, making phone calls and getting legal stuff DONE at the speed of light (well a few things took a bit longer, like molasses concerning my personal bank) but we did it! 

The Ultimate Richness of saying YES!! over and over again...

   So, way back in the day when I was about 17  I was asked to work with kids in Sunday school and I was SO NOT inspired by that idea. So I didn't.  To be honest I found kids annoying and out of control...  Then when we went to YWAM in my early 20's I was specifically placed in the "Keiki Corner" with my mentor Barb who was highly trained to worked with preschoolers and had a unique ability to understand and draw out their spirituality. It was obvious that God was calling me into something and there's always the temptation to run the other way, but thankfully this time I didn't! By the end of my work time  at YWAM I had a newfound passion and love for working with kids and the rest is history.  

   I didn't find it particularly easy to jump into any kinds of kids ministry as it required something from me - it pulled from my innermost being ideas and a need to call out to God for freshness and His ideas to keep things alive and real and TANGIBLE.  I had been broken in some ways in my "efforts" to obey God... and with my personality it's really easy for things to become legalistic.  Thankfully, right from 10 years of age where I gave my life to Jesus, He showed up for me in a tangible way, when I ran out the cabin door the next morning and all of nature had become new in a bright tangible way! There were lots of struggles along the way but I was determined not to give up! Years later I was set free from loads of legalism through a home study I did by MIke Bickle on the "Song of Songs" (of all things!) and finding out that I was the passion and desire and deep love of God's heart switched on all kinds of bulbs and there was a newfound delight in bypassing all the lies I had come to believe that I was not good enough, would never be enough, would always be stuck in judging others and being judged... I realized it was only by focusing my entire walk and life on the truth and beauty of how incredibly loved I was and that HE HAD ALREADY paid the whole price.  I just needed to become ONE with Him, leaning into Him and onto Him with a beautiful constancy and therefore it truly is my desire that as I finish my race, I will be one of the ones who is coming out of the desert leaning on her Beloved... Oh the wonder and glory that He has made this all possible and I will truly DWELL in the house of the Lord (His presence and amazing world) forever and ever amen. 

 

I ended up teaching Sunday school for years and had such sweet times with he kids, learning as much from them as they did from me.  This was followed by years of teaching kids with dyslexia which was another really rich and beautiful experience of mostly working one on one with kids, having the opportunity to pray over them and speak truth into the places where they felt broken and not enough. 

In a rare post I put on FB, I mentioned my illness just wanting people to be in the loop and to pray if they felt led.  To my utter amazement and embarrassment, so very many people responded with so much kindness and love and encouragement.  I have to just keep getting over the hurdle that when people say kind things about me, they are really speaking to the reflection of Christ they have somehow managed to see, despite how much of ME tends to keep popping up!!  

There were so many precious responses, but these two speak to the glory of us picking up what can initially feel like a cross in our lives (because for real - the exhaustion you experience after teaching and the stress beforehand for me was not easy!) and watching God build and grow something beautiful out of our tiny sacrifice of love.

So if you're feeling nudged by God into an area that feels like it could be life-giving but is still a little scary, keep your radar up and don't shut the door too quick!! Someday, down the road lives will be changed for eternity... and that's really what it's all about... 

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"Hi Mrs. Karen, my heart breaks with this news but at the same time my spirit is welling up with a deep hope and joy as I think about how your life has been and will continue to be a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness,  I have never met someone who is so in love with Jesus, and for that you have been so influential in my life.  To see someone who suffers in a way I will never understand, trust and love Jesus and find hope in Him is truly only by the power of the Holy Spirit.  When I was 8 years old, you planted seeds that have grown into a low for God's Word, a desire to encourage and speak truth over others, and a faith so fierce I could overcome anything.  And the way you would be so excited to see me every time we crossed paths mean the world to a youngster like me.  I will be praying that the hope of the resurrection and the life of the world to come would shine ever so bright in this time, and that you taste the glory that is coming as you suffer and that you would experience intimacy with Jesus like never before as you walk the path He walked so long ago, and will rise again with Him.  How I cannot wait for us to be reunited again one day!  Blessings to you (J)"

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"Thank you Mrs. Karen for installing in me an unshakable faith with deep roots.  The Lord used you in such a tangible way to guide me as I built the foundation of my faith.  You were there for the most formative time in my life when the seeds of my faith were planted.  I still sing the songs you taught us and hear your sweet voice singing the tunes of "My Sheep listen to my voice, I know them and they follow me" or "your words have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you".  You taught me to trust God and trust that I know when His voice is speaking.  I can't put into words the impact  you have had on my life and truly you are a major part of the reason I will follow the Lord all the days of my life. 

💕Thank you , thank you, thank you!  Your encouragement and love built the deep confidence in me saying I am loved by the Father and can love others freely.  I hope to continue sharing what you taught me with others and love the way I saw you love. 💕 Thank you Lord for Mrs. Karen and will you welcome her with overwhelming joy.  Until we hug again in heaven and it will be just like "my secret place: you taught me to imagine Heaven to be!  I remember when you taught us to imagine our secret place to talk to God... Maybe you can go ahead of me and enjoy my secret place before I join you! (C)"

Love from over the Ocean

I happened to be on Messenger on Sunday night - waiting for things to quiet down on this often noisy four bed war.  There was a little "world war" going on between a patient and her nurse in the room so I needed a good diversion.  For the most part this room has been heavenly with everyone looking out for the other.

But something else was at work in the room that evening and it wasn't heavenly. 

Therefore, these wonderful messages from Cam and Tracey popped up and simply captured my heart.  They were writing them without knowing the other was also messaging me while sitting on a glorious beach with birds running hither and thither while the waves chased them in Australia.  

So these words came first, from Cam...

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Dear friend, we are at the beach and thinking about you! 

I am so proud to be your friend and that you are one who knows what it means to come up out of the desert, leaning on your Beloved.  You have been a tent peg for so many including me.  

When the wind has howled you have created a home and a shelter for many wear travellers.

We have learned the importance of home and have come to believe that the ability to create it is one of the highest its and callings of the Father.  I am so blessed to have been a part of your Home and look forward to seeing the Home that Christ has prepared for you and me, and us. 

You have run a good race because He is good.  he is your Sabbath, He is your finish line, He is your reward.  He is the Joy set before you.

When you are ready, run, and run to Him.  His arms are open, always, and His embrace is all that matters!  

See you soon!

Cam's poignant words were followed by Tracey's beautiful heartfelt cry...

Karen, Karen,, Karen!!!

WE LOVE you! You are ever with us ... our pocked sized giant.  

Your perseverance and joy continues to inspire and spur us on.

I know you are getting close to your resurrection, my dear friend.  I will miss you in this peace but you remind me how temporary this all is.  You inspire me to ge more heavenly minded, more loving, more devoted.  You have always been a pillar of hope, trust, gratitude, worship and perseverance even when things are hard and don't feel good.  You have been one of my dearest friends, a safe place to fall apart and then back into the arms of Papa...together.  You have showed us hospitality with so much joy - good food and lots of 'up yours'!" 

You are freakishly funny and I fear no one else will geek out with me over word play like you do.

I have learned so much from you - your wisdom wrought in the fire and written on your heart.  Mostly I love you because you are you and because you are stunning!  Ah, the good stuff!!!

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At this point I mentioned that I'd like to add these sweet words to my blog since I'm not writing with a lot of "fresh juice', although it seems like it would be a valuable time to do so.  Anyways, I obviously have permission to steal their words. 

Tracy thinks Cam is the better writer, but I beg to differ - they are equally uniquely gifted.  Two sides of the same glorious coin.

She simply told me to "plagiarize away"! 

Followed by "If its not too much we will keep the love letters flowing...like the waves that just don't stop crashing.

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I've also wrestled with including poems or writing for me, but I'm jutst going to 'get over me' here and share the kindness, this wave of love that is moving me forward or simply buoying me through this tangled time that has turned into an ocean of peace.My breathing seems to have eased which is awesome. I'm on one slow dose released painkiller every 24 hours and something else to keep the ulcer from acting up again. Occasionally I'll add a little something to extend my sleeping time but there is this danger of the effects messing with my brain late into the day.  It's difficult to have a pleasant conversation when your eyes keep wanting to roll back into your head while you fall into a pleasant sleep.

I have been spurred on to pray JESUS over my sweet room mates who have ongoing issues with digestion, vomiting, the other problem, TPN, NG tubes with ugly looking feeds going in and making them feel horrible.  So I pray  and they receive with gratitude.  

One of our foursome left and before she did she came over to my bedside and said "You've made your peace with God, now I've made mine".  That was unbearably precious to me.  

It can be (and was) just that simple for her.  

Hallelujah. 

Poems of my Strange & Tangled Journey of Healing

 In my strange and tangled "journey of "healing" I have been receiving a deluge of loving words and cards and flowers and tangible love. But on a very different note, here are a few very unique and delightful examples of actual POETRY along with a comical response to an e-mail request I made. 

Someone named Rachel Devenish Ford (a friend, an author, mother, world traveler...) whom I greatly respect and who has an incredible gift with words took the time to write a poem for me...  I feel so unworthy of such a tribute for the little I did to "earn it"  but I'll simply receive with open arms because God actually loves us with such lavishness and speaks with such passion over and into us.  In fact, this Easter Weekend is the evidence of love that surpasses our understanding - radical, beautiful, outrageous sacrificial love.  "Love so amazing, so divine..." Today, on the Saturday between GOOD FRIDAY there is the profound, silent, agonizing, pregnant wait,  

Pregnant with hope...

So I sit in this silent place, my own pregnant, profound wait, but I am enclosed in the womb of hope and eager expectation.  Knowing that Sunday is coming,

on so many levels, SUNDAY IS COMING!

Resurrection and the knowledge that He paid this price to make ALL THINGS NEW...

These words are received from the heart of Jesus. As always, everthing He does for us is undeserved and yet He reaches out with hands dripping with love, His blood that speaks a BETTER WORD!

I love you so much. Oh, my heart hurts to think of you in so much pain. I want to share two poems with you:

the first I wrote just thinking about us and God. The second I wrote for you.

who is it, that holds me

that shelters? 

what immense bowl of stars

do i swim in? 

these planets

around this sun.

i live on the one that looks

like home, with clouds that move

over deep seas. only on one.

my feet can only stand on one

square foot of earth.

who is my father, my mother?

what great power breathes through me

made me into someone who dreams

and is much more than the shape

of any given minute or hour.

i am not my work

i am not my food

i am not the numbers in my 

bank account. 

i ask you to stay with me

these veins and muscles need you

this body that curls

or leaps or runs and runs and runs

needs its shelter. 

who is it, that holds me

in their cupped hand like a bird

just before flight?

here is the second:

for Karen

my sister lived with our friend, once

when we traveled back from India and 

our friend made space for us in her home

oh, how I love seeing people in my kitchen,

she said in the morning, wheeling her chair out of her bedroom

and into the space we were occupying like a pile

of puppies with harried parents. 

one child pretending they knew how to play piano

another spilling their breakfast, one crying for more

of something or other, another getting the dogs hyper.

she looked at us and loved us and those words

were more healing to me than most sentences i have

ever heard. some words bring you right inside

i don’t know how to tell you about her voice

about the infectious joy or how much she loves 

her daughter, or how she talks about God as though

the whole world was nothing but light through leaves

we played a concert on her lawn

lamps in the dusk, my sister arranged the details

we sat under the trees in her orchard

she rested in the afternoons when her body was hurting

but then, again, the next day, the joy.

we ate outside so we wouldn’t miss a moment of summer

and she knows how to live and we went to the beach

and i felt embraced, held, i felt like i was not a burden

with my large, unwieldy family

she is sick now and her body has already

been through so much. i would light every candle for her

we pray, we pray for healing

the faith and love and care, oh, when i have guests

and i want to make them feel welcome

i think of her, i think

how can i make them feel the way she made me feel?

oh God, your daughter is in pain

your daughter hurts

i had to come back for Jesus, she told me

He was all that i had in the end

there is no one i think of more

when i think of joy.

We love you and we are praying,

Love,

Rae and Chinua

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On the heels of this wild beauty is a response to a request I made today to s pastor, a friend, and a musician and wordsmith I deeply admire.  He brought me from  from tears to laughter with his silliness and reality... 

He responded to my request  in his hilarious whimsical style: 

"I agree our lives have been beautifully interwoven with our kids for sure. What a blessing eh?

If you asked me to stand on my head banging a coconut shell with a 3/4" wrench I would do it for you! So singing a song would be an honour of course.  Metro is yours for the asking if needed.  No problem there. Don't worry about it just tell Jan and David to ask. I hope and pray it won't be needed of course though.

Rest well and remain anchored in His love.  Happy Easter.  Our family will be praying for you today OK."

Lots of love

Graham and Natalia XX

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And lastly a unique and  creative poem from one of my "un-book club" ladies Sue.  She was in Africa at the time of finding out my diagnosis so perhaps that stirred up her creative juices with a cross-cultural flair! 

A Poem for Karen

February 9,2023

Tread softly here

On this great earth

Where God bestows

beauty all round

We walk amidst the joys untold

And sorrows so profound

Yet comes the day

When on we go

To a place where joy ne’er fades

And gently glance

To earth below

And the footprints that we made. 

But you my friend,

You did not walk

You wheeled from here to there

So when , from glory,

You look down, behold etchings from your chair

Trailing imprints now a picture make

Of His most glorious love

As you wheel about in His great

grace,

Delighting in His love. 

Blessings to you and all your family at this time!

Sue McGloughlin