I asked Celia to go with me to an appointment with the specialist at the hospital today. She carries a beautiful peace with her and is immersed in truth and the presence of God (whether she feels it or not). Somehow I knew she was the companion I wanted on this day.
We drove around for some time looking for parking and finally ended up at the lot on the beach which turned out to be a blessing.
Took us a little longer to get all the way around the block to the entrance of the hospital but that was ok.
We were together and that was something.
I'm so used to doing things on my own and rarely ask people for assistance for these kinds of things as it seems simpler to do it myself but this time I wanted the moral support.
I think I've often turned down potential blessings when people offer to help me and I've got to get better at saying yes. It gives God an opportunity to minister to me and gives me an opportunity to step away from independence.
God made us to be in community and to bear one another's burdens in love.
I'm all about simplicity and efficiency but that isn't always the best way.
The appointment was not long, but I had a longer interview with a doc in training first.
Apparently the growth on my pancreas is inoperable which was a relief to me. I had been wondering how on earth my body would handle surgery considering spasms, bathrooms, etc. etc.
It felt like that was a little wink from God to me.
I'm also not into chemo to "buy a little time" so to speak.
So I'm left in the hands of my Good Shepherd which is the place I want to be.
I feel completely at peace and I know that my days have always been numbered. I also know that anything is possible with God.
If it's not my time to go, I won't go.
When we returned to the car this view greeted us.
We went closer and sat looking, drinking in the still calm and the beauty, thanking God for this exceptional moment feeling cradled in His grace.
I love that I never have anything to fear. Sometimes that truth is clearer and easier to rest in than other times, but I am so gratefully riding on a wave of peace and grace and I don't take that for granted.
Our drive home was beautiful.
Celia began to sing an old beloved song that begins with the words "Praise the Name of Jesus...He's my rock, He's my fortress, He's my deliverer in Him will I trust..." so we sang it together and prayed and praised the rest of the way.
When I got home I checked my little bible app to see what the verse for the day was...
"The Lord is my rock,
my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
Psalm 18:2
So I'm taking that as a personal encouragement and WORD!
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