Your Forehead against mine - spiritual direction snd listening prayer

 Had a really great session with Carol Burge, my spiritual director this morning.  It caught me off guard as I had forgotten my session was this early in the month but it felt like a gift and a wonderful way to start the new year - sorting through some feelings of the past month and wondering how to begin this new year.  

We discussed my "new normal" of increased limitations and the pain of this season but she reminded me of the fact that I am "being given opportunities to practice obedience which then leads to authority".  In the everydayness and every moment of the waiting and discomfort of my shoulder and abdominal and back issues it can feel like I am making little to no progress, but in the length I am choosing obedience - at least to some measure. 

So near the end of the session when I felt all "talked out" she asked me to silently listen for anything more God might be saying to me.  

The floodgates opened and God, as near as He always is, took the quick opportunity I had given Him to download a beautiful New Year's message of comfort...

I felt His gentleness and almost good humour as He began to speak saying

"ahhh, come, come, come close my beloved daughter.  I take such EXTREME delight in you.  How you come and keep coming, you try and keep trying.

KAREN - Listen, hear this - "You" - "we" - are doing more than OK! 

Rest in this truth. 

Cease striving and know that I AM GOD.  

You can trust me in all of this.

I am here - so close.

Keep casting ALL your burdens upon me and I will keep caring for you.  

(At this point I leaned my head forward in my hands and heard Him say...) That's it - lean in, your forehead against mine.  Rest and breathe.

Yes I KNOW - I know it's hard but I AM here - I AM with you - always and forever.  

I read this out loud to Carol and then I wept.  I think she was crying to and she asked me to send her the word. 

Somehow having this safe place to process these feelings and to be validated so kindly is huge for me. 

Carol also heard my frustration and concerns about trying to do my "homework" assignment from my course - listening prayer every day.  It's been ridiculously hard - the hamster in my brain is relentless and I am so hard on myself.  

I also mentioned to Carol that I believe I am landing on the ONE space as my enneagram type with a strong 2 wing.  

As much as I want to know more about her (I find people to be so fascinating and I want to know their stories) I know it's good that I don't have the distraction of knowing about her and feeling the need to care for her or include her in my hour on some level. Interesting observation for me.  

I am becoming somewhat more aware and knowing that I have so much TYPE ONE makes me want to extend more grace to myself.  I AM hard on myself and then it's hard for me to receive love from God.  

And in my journey, God has given me such expansiveness of beauty to surround me. 

I'm so grateful.