Transition

I am incredibly unsettled. This is the first year that I don't have a child heading back to school and not having that structured world around me anymore is harder than I ever thought it would be. I actually didn't think about it much because it was far far away in the ever so distant future for most of my life. Why oh why did I not have several more children all spaced out so that the next fifteen or twenty years would still be figured out for me and I wouldn't have to ask God every day what on earth I should be doing? Ha, caught in the act I am!! Wanting the familiar life back and the easier route. How did that Keith Green song go? "So you wanna go back to Egypt, where it's warm and secure....". Not that raising kids was Egypt. It was warm and secure for sure.

But my future is here. Big long empty days full of not a whole lot. My kids are both out there somewhere making a life for themselves. Thankfully they still come home at the end of the day and I get to bask in their presence and still take part in their lives to some degree. But they are moving on. They are beautiful, healthy, independent adults. Just like it was supposed to turn out.

Thankfully I have my volunteer teaching position coming up at my daughter's old school. At least I hope the position will still be there for me. And I've applied for a "continuing studies" course at the local college. I just phoned to see whatever happened to my application and to find out why I haven't heard anything. It doesn't sound so good right now, but I need to phone back. I told God, of course, that it was in His Hands but I do that assuming His hands are doing what I want them to do. Sigh.

Need to keep trusting. Trusting. Trusting.

And I'm hoping to structure my life more carefully this fall so I don't have quite so many free evenings to lay here by myself. The TESL course was supposed to take care of some of that but now that has become a little uncertain and I am feeling a little panicky. Thinking about having a Bible Study night and maybe a regular girls movie night in my bedroom to help the long dark winter to pass in a more cheerful and rapid manner.

So dear Lord. You know my life. Please help me to let go of the steering wheel and trust you to fill in my days. Use me to be a blessing to those you want me to touch. To not be afraid of the new silence that has settled over my life. To believe that you have a future and a hope for me. To use my many spare minutes to call forth blessing and a future in the lives of those that you call to mind.

Thank you for giving me time to pray and to join with you in the job of intercession. A job that is truly a delight with eternal rewards. And thank you for the sweet puppies that are here with me keeping me company. Rather quiet company.

I have a dinner here to host tonight and so will continue my fall and winter. God will fill my days with good things.