something new

I'm holding it carefully...daring to hope and believe. Something has fallen into my lap. Just like that. Out of the blue - a surprise from heaven it seems.

A vision. A future and a hope...

The last three years have been hard - physically and emotionally and in a lot of ways. Many things were pushed off my plate as I contemplated what I should, and could do with my limitations. Limitations which increased following that botched surgery I underwent in April 2004.

Words echo in my mind..."limited, but not restricted". They were spoken over me back in 1995 by someone in YWAM. I figured that was a no brainer. But they come back to me now and again. I haven't easily been held back in my life. I've got one of those strong independent personalities. But when a hammer hits you enough times, you begin to draw back and go into hiding. You begin to believe that you are more restricted than just limited and hope seeps out. You get really tired.

I knew I couldn't endure another lonely long winter like this last one was. Too much time, too little to do and too much "aloneness". By my own choice, strangely enough. But when you've struggled for so long on so many levels there's not tons of extra energy to go out and pursue relationships that you've let slide. Or to enter into the world of meetings and involvement and possible leadership again. It's become a strange world for me and in some ways I've felt more invisible and "unimportant" than I have for a long time. Maybe ever. It's not a bad thing to realize that you're somewhat dispensible and it's all God anyhow. It's just tough... and humbling.

So I thought about volunteering next fall at the school my daughter attends. I found out from my cousin that I could actually help kids with dyslexia and reading lag by taking a course this summer. It sounded pretty do-able. And it would give me something to focus on this summer as my daughter does her days of babysitting and other activities. Plus, I'd rather have an actual skill to go to the school with, rather than just be a body listening to kids read or recite. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just in me to want to do more. That part of me that worked hard to become a nurse to help others. That part of me that loves to teach kids how incredibly loved they are by God and how important and powerful His Word is for them.

I got the phone number of the woman in charge of the reading program and our conversations have been amazing. The woman who designed this course has captured my heart with her broad vision and her incredible love for God and people. I am amazed at her ability to look at life through this spiritual lens that sees much more broadly than learning something to teach others. Her perspective goes right to the vision of seeing the cycle of poverty in Canada broken for many through what she offers. Wow. I don't usually think like that but it inspires me immensely. So much so that I'm getting excited to get on board. In a bigger sense than just learning the course. She's inviting me in at a whole different level than I had initially anticipated.

Somehow, as we spoke our hearts connected and I felt like I had met a kindred spirit. The very same verse that I love to teach my Sunday School girls to give them a life vision, she began to expound on, and right there something clicked.

"For We are God's WORKMANSHIP, created in Christ Jesus,
To do good works, which God prepared, IN ADVANCE for us to do.
EPHESIANS 2:10

Another level of this verse, to lift kids out of traps and prisons they've been labeled into. To give them a future and a hope. To practically show them that they are a masterpiece, created to excell and to capture a vision of what they can do and be. To do something with the talents that God has given us. It's our responsibility to use those talents to their fullest. I was reminded by this incredible woman of that as well.

So, all this to say that I'm thinking, really thinking about what has been offered to me and offering it back up to God. It seemingly fell out of heaven, this opportunity to do what I love and to teach others to do the same.

If it's you God, I ask you to keep this vision stirring brightly in my heart. It's been a long time since I've felt a passion like this. It's been a long time since I've felt a hope for my future.

I'm excited! What does this mean for me?

And God says..."Behold I make all things new".