it's going to be all right

In the midst of this gorgeous summer, with lovely, long lazy days full of light and heat and abundant life, I need to be reminded again that God is taking good care of me.

I got up this morning and headed into town for my eye appointment. My eyes are not so inflamed and irritated now so it's a better time to get them checked for a new prescription. I've noticed the vision in my left eye is definitely worse than the right and I'd like to get glasses that I can see clearly through. This is all a little disappointing because of all of the laser surgery I had done years ago, but I know enough to be grateful for how well I am able to see!! My eyes persistently seem to want to go back to their old ways! I left the eye doctor's office last time wanting to weep, because of how inflamed and scratched my corneas were. I was afraid of the blindness that afflicts many on my mother's side of the family. And now afflicts my mother.

So I returned for my new checkup and prescription. I found it incredibly hard to decide which was better "number one or number two"... And my left eye had a very hard time as it seemed to be hazy which I mentioned to the Dr. He carefully examined my eyes, again and again. He is very gentle, methodical and soft spoken. Finally he shared that his findings showed the beginnings of cataracts at the backs of both of my eyes. Worse in the left.

Wow. I never saw that one coming! At least not yet!! I thought old people got cataracts! Hmmm.

I left the office with my prescription and newfound knowledge. And I wanted to cry again. Even at this point trying to squeak out a word or two of worship...but not really entering into it. I got into the car where my daughter sat waiting and listening to the radio. The words of the song playing were something to the effect of "it's going to be all right". And I knew that God was speaking to me. I could choose to listen or enter into self pity.

It feels like another hammer blow. But He won't ever give me more than I can bear. He has promised that, I know. But, to tell you the truth I am amazed at times at how much He knows we are able to handle. And He just keeps trusting us to trust Him. Good thing the Holy Spirit lives inside of me, Kind Counsellor, Friend and Helper. I am amazed that He chooses to reside here, and am grateful beyond measure.

Beautiful, Beautiful Spirit of the Living God. Helping me to choose. Not to worry. To trust.. And to worship.

"To him who has ears to hear..." I need to stay closely tuned to that still small voice. The one that sometimes chooses to sing to me through the radio.

"it's going to be all right" Amen.