Jubilee Year

My sister turned fifty last Thursday and I'm just so grateful that she's alive!! Honestly, this year has been one of the hardest I've ever seen her walk through, wondering at times if she'd make it. I was so honored to be able to host her 50th birthday party. She was anxious leading up to it, but God just moved in and arranged the whole thing. It was one of the sweetest evenings we've enjoyed for a long time. The family gathered along with some precious friends and together we celebrated her fifty years and the gift that she is to us. God's presence was tangible - and there was joy all over my sweet sister! She radiated life - ah, answered prayers...long in coming, and still in process, but visible.

The evening was perfect...nice enough to sit outsite munching on goodies, watching the kids play on the trampoline, enjoying the beauty, mountains and big sky... Inside Elsie was playing her guitar, surrounded by flowers, balloons, gifts and cakes. Around her there was a group singing old worship choruses and lifting up the name of Jesus. He's the One - He is life - truly, "in Him we live and move and have our being". May we be more aware of this - living to honor the King. Living to love.

Elsie is really good at loving. And I've been the recipient of her kindness and love for as long as I've been alive. A more generous or devoted sister I would be hard pressed to find.

So I give thanks to the Father. For life, for family, for friends to celebrate with and for my wonderful sister... May this be a year of Jubilee for her.

there's WAY MORE!!!

Oh AGGRaVAtion!!

I was so pleased with myself, thinking I had sorted through all of my cassette tapes yesterday. However, upon sneaking back down into that dangerous storage room today I found MORE BOXES of cassettes. ARGHH. Really, if I haven't needed them in these last five years then I probably won't be needing them now. But I made the mistake of looking at a few of them and suddenly they seemed more important. What is with that?

I should let somebody else do this for me.

sorting & simplifying

I spent the day going through a huge box of old correspondance. Hundreds and hundreds of letters and cards sent or given to me over the years. Whew!! I'm still not through sorting and disposing, but am almost there. Trying to figure out how to keep a remnant of memories without all the bulk. The many seasons of life represented...

birthdays...so many already!!!
postcards from far flung friends
romantic cards, letters and notes,
leading to shower, wedding and anniversary cards
congratulations on the birth of baby cards...leading to
"I love you mommy & daddy cards"

the many many notes and cards following "the accident"
messages of hope and prayers from countless people,
some I didn't even know, but they took the time to pray and write

what a legacy
one life, documented in a box full of messages from others
tangible evidence of love

Hard to believe I would throw it away, but where does one store all of this goodness?
In my heart. Hopefully my memory won't fail me and I'll keep enough to remember that I have been well loved through all the seasons.

there are no stacks of cards mourning the loss of the marriage...
but lots of support - written and unwritten.

May I support others and bless them in the way that i have been supported and blessed.

So I will continue to sort and simplify. I will take none if it with me, but it's still hard to part with sentimental things.
I'm far too much of a "keeper" and at the age of 45 the piles of stuff have grown uncomfortably large.

I feel drained & emotionally spent, but gratified to have worked through so much. I hope I stay on this track and keep working through other boxes that are sitting in the basement. I KNOW we weren't put here on this earth to accumulate all this stuff!

May I learn to live more simply.
Doing what Jesus said I should be doing: loving God and loving my neighbour.

thankful

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

The words hang in the air as I ponder the implications of this question asked by my son. Does he really want to set aside an evening to be with me? I have missed him terribly since he's moved out. I've cried and I've tried to give him wings as gracefully as possible. I've seen him in passing and had scattered moments with him. One blessed afternoon he fell asleep beside me here after stopping in for something. Precious moments that I relished. A mother's heart is rarely satisfied when it comes to time spent with her children. Especially after they've grown and left home. A new experience for me. Again. There are so many of them in this life of change.

So I prepared salmon & salad and my children and I enjoyed a dinner together. Together. The word means more to me now that our family unit has changed and I am finding myself alone more often. Not really alone - I know my Jesus never leaves me, but I like it when He shows up with skin on!

Dinner was followed by laughter as I watched the kids dance to DDR and enjoy each other. Precious moments. Then some relaxed time on the couch just talking. Just talking about what's going on in his life now that it is no longer coinciding with mine on a regular basis. He's getting so grown up. More thoughtful. More mature. I'm so proud of him. I love my kids so much it actually hurts sometimes. I've taken so much for granted. So I want to say thank you to Jesus for these simple pleasures. I am rich. I am loved. I have family.

I am thankful.

A Cup of Water

The Lord reminded me today of the great importance of little things...small acts of obedience. I've been pondering my life as of late - as more and more things have dropped out of my schedule for numerous reasons, I now am left doing very little. Or so it seems. And I don't seem to have the wherewithal to add anything to my schedule. Lack of motivations? Lack of energy? Lack of vision...

It's certainly NOT lack of time. I have far too much of that on my hands. Makes me wish I had had more children when it was the season to do so. At least I'd have SOMETHING to keep me busy and make me feel...valuable and important. I must say that I do realize at some place in my reasoning that it's not what we do that makes us important...that being is more important than doing...yada yada. But it's not helping me on a practical level to deal with this new stage in my life. The almost empty nest syndrome coupled with being without a spouse coupled with my disability.... Leaves me feeling vulnerable and afraid. Afraid of the future. Not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing. Wanting to have something important to occupy my time and give me a feeling of validation.

It's very kind of the Lord to pull away so many of my "props" and to leave me naked and exposed... It doesn't feel kind at all but I know He's making me face up to some important questions. It was much easier to talk my spiritual talk and spout verses when I was busy and involved in ministries and people's lives in an active and productive way. I'm having to face up to Revelation 3:15-20 on a very personal level.

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor
hot. I wish you were either one or the other!...You say, 'I am rich; I
have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that
you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy
from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to
wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes so
you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline."

I want to make a difference in the world. I want to please Jesus - at least I think I do...but I'm awfully fond of my comfortable life. I'm used to being in control of my schedule and having enough of everything. So maybe, on a gut level I want to please myself more. And Jesus is showing this to me. And I don't like seeing it. I've realized that in desiring to go and work in an orphanage somewhere in the world, maybe I'm just trying to keep myself busy enough so that I don't have to face up to my own selfishness. That I'll feel better about myself and can be proud of the fact that I'm doing something to help out the "poor"...

So Jesus keeps me here at home. Doing what seems to be very little. He wants me to get my motivation right. So that I will stop doing things for recognition. He wants to be everything to me. I know I love Him...but am I still like the immature maiden in the first four chapters of Song of Solomon who is simply enjoying Jesus because of what He does for her? I want my love to deepen. And I know that the little suffering that I have been privileged to endure has allowed me to test my love for Jesus somewhat. At least it's left me knowing that it's Him or nothing. I can't do this life thing without Him!

So today He spoke to me of the importance of little things. Like making a phone call to someone who isn't on my regular phone list, but who needs to talk and is delighted to get a call. Like writing a card of encouragement to someone I know who could really use the validation and love that it might bring. Like speaking words of kindness and blessings to someone who needs to hear how valuable they are to me and to God. Like visiting someone in a nursing home and spending an hour just being with them... Simple things. Small things. Cups of water given out in Jesus' Name.

I was given a prophetic word quite some years ago now, and in it, the man spoke these words over me "cups and cups and cups and cups and cups and cups of water...." I don't remember the rest of the word exactly, but he was basically saying that this would be something I would do - give out cups of water in my life. The "Barnabas" anointing I guess - being an encourager.

I've pondered this word and it makes more and more sense to me when I look at my life and my giftings. In a marathon there are the runners who seem to be the stars of the show. The crowds are cheering them on and they are running with great endurance, just trying to reach the finish line and to get there first if possible. Usually along the route there will be people at the sidelines who hand out cups of water to the runners as they go panting by. Now, the "water people" are not really recognized in any special way for their service, but it's quite vital that they are there. Without them, the runners most likely would not be able to keep running or finish the race.

I am thankful that the Lord gave this word to me to look back upon. It has helped me along the way to remember that a cup of water given out in His Name is hugely valuable. It may not make the headlines, and maybe no one will ever even thank us for that "cup of refreshment" but it makes a difference. A small phrase spoken at the right time can change someone's life. It can literally save someone's life. We need encouragement and affirmation almost as much as we need water!

So I will trust God to take care of my future as I simply learn again to "trust and obey". To give out those cups of water and to receive my affirmation from my Father. It's a journey - learning to trust Him at a deeper level now that the props are gone - but what a cool opportunity to see HIM move on my behalf.

"And if anyone gives a cup of cold water to one of
these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will
certainly not lose his reward."

Matthew 10:42