Low Ebb

Kinda funny....I haven't done a post in ever so long so I thought it was time to re-enter the blogger's world. However, upon trying to locate my blog, I was unable to do so. I had to look on my friend's site to find the reference to mine! Then when i tried to enter I discovered that I had forgotten the password. My goodness. So now I have a new password.

I was just wanting to explain that my life has felt like it's been on low ebb these past weeks. Perhaps these past months, when I come to think of it. Maybe even longer! I'm so glad that I don't have to perform for God or I'd be in big trouble. There's so little energy most days to do even the simplest things. But He Loves me!

And thus I continue to swim in oceans of grace. Ever so grateful.

God gave a wonderful time of respite during our trip to Hawaii and YWAM in February. It was more than I could have hoped for. Incredibly rich in beauty, relationships, teaching and worship. I am amazed when I think of how deeply I drank of the Lord's goodness and kindness during that time. I felt so loved, so connected and so hopeful. Old friendships were rekindled and new ones started. The Father reminded me again and again that I need not worry, just rest and trust and wait on Him.

So I returned home with my head held high and great expectation in my heart. I found great encouragement in the fact that this year on the Jewish calendar is somehow translated into the year of a new life cycle. I welcome that with all my heart!! I am ready for new beginnings and am eager to see what the Lord has in store. I'm needing something to pull me forward and to give me motivation...

There has been change in the wind for some time for me, but it hasn't yet been revealed what it will look like.

Letting go of this latest stage of mothering "children" has been exceedingly painful. I am so glad that Patrice is still at home with me, but I have mostly found in her an excellent friend, an equal in many ways and an emerging adult. So I must brace myself for her upcoming 6 week school trip to Mexico and ultimately for her moving on in God's paths where she will no longer be physically so close to me.

So perhaps grieving has had something to do with the "low ebb" I have felt, even though it's a normal, healthy letting go.

I'm so thankful for my students at the school who give me a reason to get up and get going every morning! It's been fun and hugely fulfilling to watch the lights go on in these ones who previously found reading to be their Mount Everest. What a gift to spend time with them and to watch them labour so diligently and then start to READ!! What a lovely miracle to behold and to be a part of.

And so I continue on. To wait on God to fill up my tank, to bring resolution to those places in my life that are feeling unfinished, and praying that He will "restore to me the joy of my salvation". (Psalm 51)

It doesn't feel very clear, but I know He holds my future and my today. So I humbly wait. Unable to be a superstar of any sort. But I know that I carry presence of the Living God within this broken humble frame. And that is enough. May I bring pleasure to His heart.