Contemplative Retreat

My friend laughed about me attending a "Silent" Retreat. I am one who loves to communicate and verbal is my preference. I didn't know I was signing up for a silent retreat - I just knew it had the word "contemplative" attached to it and I knew that I needed to do some of that kind of praying again!!

All in all it was a good thing that I went. I still feel a little distant and numb and not nearly as "in touch" with God as I'd like to "feel". But I know it's not about feelings. Feelings and spiritual experiences just really help the whole relationship thing but it is perhaps too easy to begin to rely on them. I realized that if I take the time to listen for His voice and ask Him direct questions, He's pretty good about saying the kindest things in response. Quite surprising really, considering my fallen condition. But He is my righteousness and therein lies the hope of it all.

After we got talking again, Him and I, it crossed my mind that I had never asked Him about the accident. As in "where were my angels"? People have often mentioned that it is a miracle that Daniel was spared and that his angels were looking out for him, but they stop short of asking what my angels were doing. So, somehow I braved the question and quite quickly a picture popped into my mind of angelic beings bowing low to the ground in submission to God's will around me rather than rising up to protect me from the impending disaster. It made so much sense to me and reaffirms in my mind that God had a greater purpose in allowing this life changing event to transpire in my 24th year.

Another helpful exercise this weekend was taking our burdens to the Lord in a really tangible way. Tangible as in being able to picture the burden we carry as an object and then asking God what He would like to do with it. The enemy torments us with our burdens and shortcomings, but the Lord is eager to help us with them.

So in picturing some of the more pressing burdens that I carry about with me on a regular basis I was able to see where I carried them on my body and then ask the Lord to remove them. One was a large chain I carried around my neck and He simply bent down, lifted it off me and placed it around His own neck. Another burden feels like I am sliding around on slippery ground and He lifts me up and places my feet back onto the Rock which is solid and secure. So I need to practice this exercise when I feel overwhelmed and am carrying about things that would be much better off carried by Him.

I also loved the community aspect of the retreat.

Eating together (even if it was in forced silence!!) and sharing stories of our journeys or the words that the Lord had spoken to us from the particular passage we were reading. I was reminded of the importance of the method of contemplative prayer/ bible study called Lectio Divina. Slow reading with time to ponder and let God speak. I have done it since coming home with this passage:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go,
I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

Oh what sweet words to meditate on.
"HE WILL". I don't have to figure out how "I will"...