A big pot of chili,
Fresh baked bread
Iced tea & salad...
Friends arriving, familiar faces. cheerful greetings.
The blessing spoken, plates are filled and spots are found.
Ah the sweet comfort found in these scheduled gatherings!
I am blessed beyond measure to have friends like these.
All ages gather and community is built, friendship enjoyed.
"like oil poured out"... this unity brings pleasure to Him as well
Precious, precious lives, each one unique, oh so valuable.
The desperate desire to be accepted, loved and valued is nurtured in this ritual.
Listening to stories, laughing together, sharing pain.
God has created a place here and we love to celebrate the ordinary.
Simple, profound and life giving are these shared meals and evenings.
The load is lighter when we gather to eat and play.
Community.
We come away filled and refreshed and so thankful.
Thank you, kind Father.
Such extravagant blessings you heap upon us!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Hopefully Hopeless
The sun is shining today!!! (Thunderous applause, hooting, hollering, and general merry making ensues...)
That may not seem like the biggest deal for many, but we have just gone through the longest, darkest, coldest, cloudiest bout of winter weather. At the moment there are lovely splashes of sunshine and light reflecting off my mirrors and onto my walls. My beloved bedroom is glowing with the warmth of afternoon sunlight and I can see blue sky and white clouds outside my window. It is helpful that I could turn the heat up and warm up my little wheat bags to enhance the illusion of warmth on this sunny January day. Outside the temperatures are hovering somewhere around minus 10, but I will not complain!! The sun is shining and I will rejoice in this day that the Lord has made!
I bundled myself off to church this morning and was engaged in glorious worship and surrounded by the loveliest people. All of us on this strange sojourn, trying to make sense of our lives and our various pains and disappointments and bravely trying to keep believing that this will all be worth it one day...
The message came straight from the throne of God and poured over us like fresh water on desperately thirsty ground. Allastair Petrie spoke of the great power that is unleashed when God's people admit their helplessness and hopelessness and finally lift up their eyes declaring that we can't but GOD CAN!!!! He actually had us bow our heads while those of us who felt hopeless in different areas of our lives raised our hands. (Getting rid of the whole religious bondage that would even keep us from admitting that!!) 90% of us admitted to hopelessness and it felt so good to do it!
I have felt so weary and have found it difficult to even know how to pray. There is such need and such apathy. The church slumbers on and I don't even know how to rouse myself. So the message from Isaiah 57 was about obtaining, humility, holiness, hunger for God that trumps over every other hunger we have and admitting hopelessness. All this so that we can allow God to reign in and through us, bringing transformation.
I can't even begin to do the message justice here, but I can surely say that God had a good reason to tell us not to "forsake gathering together". There is the manifest presence of God that is released when saints gather in humility to worship their Creator and to be reminded of His promises through the spoken Word.
I'm so glad that I could admit to hopelessness. What a tremendous relief not to have to try to fix my broken self nor my broken world. I can't, but God can. And God will. As His people, humble themselves, turn from their wicked ways and pray.
Apparently there are amazing miracles of transformation taking place in areas all around the world. Where children stand and pray for their countries for hours every day, where prisoners accept the Lord en masse, where societies are turned around by a sovereign move of God on behalf of the prayers of His people.
So I will continue to lift up these hands and pray.
THY KINGDOM COME,
THY WILL BE DONE, HERE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN...
Yes Lord, You can and You will!!
That may not seem like the biggest deal for many, but we have just gone through the longest, darkest, coldest, cloudiest bout of winter weather. At the moment there are lovely splashes of sunshine and light reflecting off my mirrors and onto my walls. My beloved bedroom is glowing with the warmth of afternoon sunlight and I can see blue sky and white clouds outside my window. It is helpful that I could turn the heat up and warm up my little wheat bags to enhance the illusion of warmth on this sunny January day. Outside the temperatures are hovering somewhere around minus 10, but I will not complain!! The sun is shining and I will rejoice in this day that the Lord has made!
I bundled myself off to church this morning and was engaged in glorious worship and surrounded by the loveliest people. All of us on this strange sojourn, trying to make sense of our lives and our various pains and disappointments and bravely trying to keep believing that this will all be worth it one day...
The message came straight from the throne of God and poured over us like fresh water on desperately thirsty ground. Allastair Petrie spoke of the great power that is unleashed when God's people admit their helplessness and hopelessness and finally lift up their eyes declaring that we can't but GOD CAN!!!! He actually had us bow our heads while those of us who felt hopeless in different areas of our lives raised our hands. (Getting rid of the whole religious bondage that would even keep us from admitting that!!) 90% of us admitted to hopelessness and it felt so good to do it!
I have felt so weary and have found it difficult to even know how to pray. There is such need and such apathy. The church slumbers on and I don't even know how to rouse myself. So the message from Isaiah 57 was about obtaining, humility, holiness, hunger for God that trumps over every other hunger we have and admitting hopelessness. All this so that we can allow God to reign in and through us, bringing transformation.
I can't even begin to do the message justice here, but I can surely say that God had a good reason to tell us not to "forsake gathering together". There is the manifest presence of God that is released when saints gather in humility to worship their Creator and to be reminded of His promises through the spoken Word.
I'm so glad that I could admit to hopelessness. What a tremendous relief not to have to try to fix my broken self nor my broken world. I can't, but God can. And God will. As His people, humble themselves, turn from their wicked ways and pray.
Apparently there are amazing miracles of transformation taking place in areas all around the world. Where children stand and pray for their countries for hours every day, where prisoners accept the Lord en masse, where societies are turned around by a sovereign move of God on behalf of the prayers of His people.
So I will continue to lift up these hands and pray.
THY KINGDOM COME,
THY WILL BE DONE, HERE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN...
Yes Lord, You can and You will!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A Brand New Year
It's a brand new year! And, unlike other years, I let this one slip in without my usual seeking God for a verse and asking Him for all kinds of good things. Somehow I think and hope that He will be faithful to me even when I haven't been so faithful to seek Him... I think I've read a verse about His faithfulness which is immensely comforting. And, who knows...I'm thinking that all of a sudden I will feel a fresh wind and will be inspired to get that 2009 verse or chapter and know just what God wants me to ask for these next 12 pages of my new calendar!
I'm so grateful for the gentle going out of the last year and the uneventful entrance of the next. The holidays were just wonderful. Even though I work so little (four part mornings a week) it still gives me structure and routine which is so healthy for me right now. And that way I actually look forward to breaks - like two weeks worth of being able to lounge in bed in the mornings and lazily start my day!
I'm grateful for many wonderful family gatherings which were enjoyed over the holidays and...
* for evenings spent with friends, laughing, eating and sharing stories
* a cozy home filled with lights and the Spirit of God
* Daniel came home from Peru!!!! and had Christmas with all of us
* I have a beautiful daughter who still lives at home and hangs out with me
* my mom and dad and Tante Hilda who are that solid generation that holds us together
* God's tangible presence landing on me Christmas Day while driving through beautiful snow covered hills and listening to Handel's Messiah
* our family - little and big, young and old filling up a whole pew at church Christmas Eve for the candle light service
* singing German Christmas carols at mom's on Christmas Eve with four generations
* delicious pea soup and fresh bread at my neice's home with the family - followed by fireside carols
* a delightful New Year's Eve here - the annual BINGO extravaganza, good food, games, and sparklers in the snow
* my wonderful brother arrived cheerfully and went from house to house bringing help and joy
* my delightful sister who was shopping for salad fixings on Christmas Day is alive and well hallelujah!!
* God's amazing grace that keeps us all together and loving each other and Him!
So, through the piles of snow that kept falling out of the sky and changing the landscape into a winter wonderland, we celebrated and enjoyed the great blessings of God. I never want to stop thanking Him!!
MAY HIS KINGDOM COME
MAY HIS WILL BE DONE,
HERE ON EARTH, IN MY HEART, IN MY HOME, IN MY FAMILY, IN MY CHURCH, IN MY CITY, IN MY NATION
AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.
AMEN.
I'm so grateful for the gentle going out of the last year and the uneventful entrance of the next. The holidays were just wonderful. Even though I work so little (four part mornings a week) it still gives me structure and routine which is so healthy for me right now. And that way I actually look forward to breaks - like two weeks worth of being able to lounge in bed in the mornings and lazily start my day!
I'm grateful for many wonderful family gatherings which were enjoyed over the holidays and...
* for evenings spent with friends, laughing, eating and sharing stories
* a cozy home filled with lights and the Spirit of God
* Daniel came home from Peru!!!! and had Christmas with all of us
* I have a beautiful daughter who still lives at home and hangs out with me
* my mom and dad and Tante Hilda who are that solid generation that holds us together
* God's tangible presence landing on me Christmas Day while driving through beautiful snow covered hills and listening to Handel's Messiah
* our family - little and big, young and old filling up a whole pew at church Christmas Eve for the candle light service
* singing German Christmas carols at mom's on Christmas Eve with four generations
* delicious pea soup and fresh bread at my neice's home with the family - followed by fireside carols
* a delightful New Year's Eve here - the annual BINGO extravaganza, good food, games, and sparklers in the snow
* my wonderful brother arrived cheerfully and went from house to house bringing help and joy
* my delightful sister who was shopping for salad fixings on Christmas Day is alive and well hallelujah!!
* God's amazing grace that keeps us all together and loving each other and Him!
So, through the piles of snow that kept falling out of the sky and changing the landscape into a winter wonderland, we celebrated and enjoyed the great blessings of God. I never want to stop thanking Him!!
MAY HIS KINGDOM COME
MAY HIS WILL BE DONE,
HERE ON EARTH, IN MY HEART, IN MY HOME, IN MY FAMILY, IN MY CHURCH, IN MY CITY, IN MY NATION
AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.
AMEN.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
So Tired
I have been on a "tired" leg of this life journey...
Not having the strength or energy or passion to do things that previously brought me so much joy or fulfillment.
When I think of doing simple things, like baking, or writing a letter, or visiting someone who is in the hospital it seems to take a monumental effort to rouse myself to action. And teaching Sunday School has now completely drifted off my grid!
I've taught classes for most of the past 16 years or more. Arriving with a huge basket of things to do, making huge posters with the precious kids, singing and dancing around the class, teaching them about their value and enjoying God with them. Hosting class parties in my home - a gaggle of excited, giggling, energetic young girls screaming through my house! It was exhausting but so fulfilling. And I had the grace to do it.
Now if a teacher is required I don't even volunteer for one class!! The thought sends me running for the hills!! (or my bed to be more exact...)
I've come to realize more and more that it is all grace.
The ability to cope with life from the confines of a wheelchair...
Raising kids, travelling, teaching, sewing, baking,
counselling, prayer ministry, leading groups, public speaking.
All this while trying to cope with a marriage that was lonely & troubled.
And a broken body that somehow managed to cooperate under the influence of an extremely strong will!
And God.
It was actually Him all along giving me the strength, courage and passion to do what I needed to do.
I thought it was about me somehow, but it was simply me working out of the ability and strength that He gave.
And now He is allowing me to recognize that my value does not lie in what I do.
That I bring Him pleasure even when I'm not performing.
People love a performer.
God wants a Lover.
Thankfully I have days where there is energy and I am grateful to be able to do tasks around the house and desk work that has been waiting for my attention. He gives me the strength and joy to meet with kids and help them to read. I am able to host gatherings in my home for which I am extremely grateful. It gives me life.
And then I go lay down and rest. Alot.
It's almost embarrassing how much I rest.
If only I was passionately pursuing God during these down times, but strangely enough, I don't even have the energy to do that. I beat myself up most mornings blaming it on lack of self discipline and I lay there feeling terribly guilty about all the things I haven't done and should do. I awaken very, very early giving me a LONG time to think and pray. I would far rather sleep if it was up to me..
But He pours out grace again and again. Just to be.
I need to rest in Him.
To obey when He speaks and not move out of obligation.
So, here is my little confession of tiredness.
I pray that I will learn what the Father wants me to learn during this season.
There is sadness mingled in as well as I watch my aging parents and my growing children.
Wondering about the role I am now to play.
But He says He will give me beauty for ashes
and the oil of joy in place of mourning.
Come Lord Jesus...
Not having the strength or energy or passion to do things that previously brought me so much joy or fulfillment.
When I think of doing simple things, like baking, or writing a letter, or visiting someone who is in the hospital it seems to take a monumental effort to rouse myself to action. And teaching Sunday School has now completely drifted off my grid!
I've taught classes for most of the past 16 years or more. Arriving with a huge basket of things to do, making huge posters with the precious kids, singing and dancing around the class, teaching them about their value and enjoying God with them. Hosting class parties in my home - a gaggle of excited, giggling, energetic young girls screaming through my house! It was exhausting but so fulfilling. And I had the grace to do it.
Now if a teacher is required I don't even volunteer for one class!! The thought sends me running for the hills!! (or my bed to be more exact...)
I've come to realize more and more that it is all grace.
The ability to cope with life from the confines of a wheelchair...
Raising kids, travelling, teaching, sewing, baking,
counselling, prayer ministry, leading groups, public speaking.
All this while trying to cope with a marriage that was lonely & troubled.
And a broken body that somehow managed to cooperate under the influence of an extremely strong will!
And God.
It was actually Him all along giving me the strength, courage and passion to do what I needed to do.
I thought it was about me somehow, but it was simply me working out of the ability and strength that He gave.
And now He is allowing me to recognize that my value does not lie in what I do.
That I bring Him pleasure even when I'm not performing.
People love a performer.
God wants a Lover.
Thankfully I have days where there is energy and I am grateful to be able to do tasks around the house and desk work that has been waiting for my attention. He gives me the strength and joy to meet with kids and help them to read. I am able to host gatherings in my home for which I am extremely grateful. It gives me life.
And then I go lay down and rest. Alot.
It's almost embarrassing how much I rest.
If only I was passionately pursuing God during these down times, but strangely enough, I don't even have the energy to do that. I beat myself up most mornings blaming it on lack of self discipline and I lay there feeling terribly guilty about all the things I haven't done and should do. I awaken very, very early giving me a LONG time to think and pray. I would far rather sleep if it was up to me..
But He pours out grace again and again. Just to be.
I need to rest in Him.
To obey when He speaks and not move out of obligation.
So, here is my little confession of tiredness.
I pray that I will learn what the Father wants me to learn during this season.
There is sadness mingled in as well as I watch my aging parents and my growing children.
Wondering about the role I am now to play.
But He says He will give me beauty for ashes
and the oil of joy in place of mourning.
Come Lord Jesus...
Friday, November 14, 2008
It's November
The days are short again.
The air crisp and fresh.
Remaining leaves swirl and fall,
covering the ground,
dancing in the wind.
My son is in Peru and my heart is at rest.
The power of prayer,
The power of GOD!
School routines and structure.
Grateful to have a girl who still lets me drive her!
The last of these years,
a graduate emerging.
Changes are inevitable but I must live in and enjoy the present moment.
Small pupils under my care,
God provides vision and purpose.
Struggling with words,
Small victories,
Jellybean rewards.
An impulsive hug,
words floating back to me from a departing child,
"I really like working with you...thank you".
Ah, these gifts
Precious and wondrous.
A warm house to return to,
Laptop, heatbags, snacks in bed.
A friendly housemate to pray and chat with.
God is so present in my world.
The air crisp and fresh.
Remaining leaves swirl and fall,
covering the ground,
dancing in the wind.
My son is in Peru and my heart is at rest.
The power of prayer,
The power of GOD!
School routines and structure.
Grateful to have a girl who still lets me drive her!
The last of these years,
a graduate emerging.
Changes are inevitable but I must live in and enjoy the present moment.
Small pupils under my care,
God provides vision and purpose.
Struggling with words,
Small victories,
Jellybean rewards.
An impulsive hug,
words floating back to me from a departing child,
"I really like working with you...thank you".
Ah, these gifts
Precious and wondrous.
A warm house to return to,
Laptop, heatbags, snacks in bed.
A friendly housemate to pray and chat with.
God is so present in my world.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Artful Ecstasy
Last week my rather tiny artsy side was nourished with some amazing fare.
A drive along the lake
surrounded by fall colors,
Greek food with good friends.
Anticipation..
Then FEIST!
Altho she was tiny and so far away,
the venue big and impersonal,
the show was great.
Oh the voice - sailing, flying, taking us along on a ride with such passion.
Colors and artwork on the screen mesmerizing,
unique and ever changing.
One two three four, tell me that you love me more...
Lacey curtains, hands swirling in paint, images emerging,
flowers, pictures, movement, color...
the constant flow of notes and rhythm carrying us all along.
And Friday, a sudden invitation to Ballet!
Venturing out into the dark night in our new red chariot.
Grace at the box office - enjoying God's favour!
Dances of breathtaking beauty, unbelievable skill.
On and on,
Out of the darkness from behind the curtains flow
synchronized movements, music, color, grace.
Swept away into an exquisite world of magical movement
A feast for the eyes, the spirit, the soul
Nourishing something deep inside,
Satisfying
Surprising
Intense
Delightful
Invigorating
An oasis,
A Gift.
Undeserved mercies and kindnesses follow me all the days of my life.
Pictures of God - He swirls
He dances
He sings.
He fills, He satisfies.
A drive along the lake
surrounded by fall colors,
Greek food with good friends.
Anticipation..
Then FEIST!
Altho she was tiny and so far away,
the venue big and impersonal,
the show was great.
Oh the voice - sailing, flying, taking us along on a ride with such passion.
Colors and artwork on the screen mesmerizing,
unique and ever changing.
One two three four, tell me that you love me more...
Lacey curtains, hands swirling in paint, images emerging,
flowers, pictures, movement, color...
the constant flow of notes and rhythm carrying us all along.
And Friday, a sudden invitation to Ballet!
Venturing out into the dark night in our new red chariot.
Grace at the box office - enjoying God's favour!
Dances of breathtaking beauty, unbelievable skill.
On and on,
Out of the darkness from behind the curtains flow
synchronized movements, music, color, grace.
Swept away into an exquisite world of magical movement
A feast for the eyes, the spirit, the soul
Nourishing something deep inside,
Satisfying
Surprising
Intense
Delightful
Invigorating
An oasis,
A Gift.
Undeserved mercies and kindnesses follow me all the days of my life.
Pictures of God - He swirls
He dances
He sings.
He fills, He satisfies.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friendship Now
Just spent a couple of hours lounging on my bed with my son.
Sharing in his dreams
Talking about his upcoming adventure in Peru,
perusing websites about hiking boots and cameras.
He lets me into his world.
Oh how I have longed for times like this.
It's friendship now.
so precious.
Every moment with my kids
a gift,
I am truly blessed and truly grateful.
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