Prayer at the Park

I almost didn't go.
The day looked ominous - cold and cloudy.
And I hate being cold.
The retreat was to be outdoors, at a park on the lake.
But memories of our last contemplative retreat drove me on...
Knowing I would have a specific amazing encounter with the Lord.
It would be so worth it,

So I DID!  And it was AMAZING!
So very worth it.
HE was so present.
The earth was pulsating with His life,
The Wind, the Waves, The Earthy Smells,
The Birds and Chipmunks, The Rustling Leaves.
The rough gnarly bark on the towering pines.
The rays of warm sunlight breaking through the clouds and warming my back.

Oh my word.
HIS WORD BECAME LIFE.
He literally spoke all of what I saw into existence and it was GOOD!

So in my meditation upon Genesis I was struck with a thought fairly early on and I didn't make it through the entire reading.
I got what I needed and more right in the first couple of verses.

"but the Spirit of God was moving"

and the next profound thought came with part of the following verse...

"and He separated the darkness from the light"


So there are situations in the lives of my family and loved ones where I am believing and praying for the Spirit of God to be moving... and I pray also that HE WILL separate the darkness from the light.

I am waiting and expectant.

Inspired

Today just might be a really important day in my life.

It started off with Patrice serving me French Toast and blueberries which was pretty spectacular.  Oh how I LOVE THAT GIRL!!

We went to church and it was the loveliest thing to be surrounded by God's people while we worshipped and listened for His guidance and leading.  So many people I love gathering to seek Jesus on this September morning.
Felt celebratory and full of joy and anticipation...
Graham taught out of Philippians 2 and it was amazing.
If Christ Jesus considered Himself a slave 
it is most fitting that we should do the same.
Oh Man.
It's a high calling.
To be His slave and to serve others.
Lots to wrap your head around and even more to submit to.
But it's the best way to live once you get the hang of it I hear...

And then I went out for lunch with two dear ladies.
There were years of catching up as one of them has only come back to Kelowna in the last year and we haven't really connected yet.

So, in the midst of the sharing
(mostly mine, I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit)
Anita commented that I should write a book.

Now I've heard this several times over the years and have even attempted to start writing more to make this into a reality, but there was never enough fire on it to keep it moving. Plus I have years of journals full of my "story" and now several years worth of this blog.  So I felt that when and if the "book" was going to be written it would just happen.  Haha.  Kinda like if I got healed there would be the lovely last chapter that would make the whole book worth writing!

And I didn't really have a strong call or vision at that point.

But the way this "invitation" was worded today struck me as the clearest reason to date that I could possibly want to start on this venture.

It wouldn't just be "my story" which would end up being a very short novella due to my lack of memory for details and such.
It would be the fleshing out of what I shared at church at the beginning of August when I was asked to speak on "living with Joy".

That time of sharing ended up being me telling much of my personal journey through the past 26 years of being wheelchair-bound and how my walk with God has carried me through the highs and lows of that.

I also spoke about my wrestle with the "healing issue" and how I have come to such a place of peace (for the most part) in seeking Jesus instead of healing.  And how I have met Him in the place of suffering and have slowly learned to embrace the cross and let the blood of Jesus drip over and onto me as I trust Him.

So I began to imagine that this might be a possibility.

Right there in that restaurant with that earnest face looking across the table at me - inviting me to share my story with others who suffer and are not healed.
Perhaps not "New York Times Bestseller" material, but for some people it could bring hope and perspective and help when they've felt let down by God in a church culture that seems to want to pray suffering away and offer a package deal of God and healing being one and the same.  ASAP

And I know He is Healer.
But when the healing comes slowly,
So slowly that it sometimes manifests in heaven... people can grow discouraged.
Or feel the need to press in even harder for more healing because they feel they have missed something.
When I start to go down that road I lose sight of the lovely face of Jesus.
And I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
I get discouraged and feel condemned.

So when I said "there are already so many books" she reminded me that my story is my story and might be important for others to hear.
I realized that there was merit in recognizing that my story had value and I will begin to ask the Lord about when and if to start writing.

This dear Anita even volunteered to meet with me on a monthly basis to get things rolling and to help me sort through my thoughts.

So, stay tuned.
This might be a door I need to move through...

CERTIFIED!!

I've been trying now for several years to get certified to give a certain test that will really help me in my work as a Reading Therapist.  I have traveled to Sooke and to Ottawa and recently to Victoria to obtain this certification.  For many reasons this journey has been very complicated, but I can now report that the miracle has occurred.  I am certified to give the test and to write a report that will give a valid diagnosis which may help kids get funding and will help us to give them the specific help they need to get them reading.  Here is Abby and myself taking the ferry over to Vancouver Island.  I was trying to look like a movie star with my hair blowing in the wind but it didn't quite turn out the way I had imagined it...

Abbie pulled it off, but I comforted myself by attributing her movie-star look to the dark glasses... 

Two incredible evenings spent at the Victoria Harbour watching the sunset and eating dinner overlooking the water.  Incredible! 

It felt like a gift from God that they found us a little spot on the patio at this lovely restaurant on the water!

This place never gets old...

There was also homework that needed to be done when we weren't sightseeing! 

And our wonderful, Godly, wise instructor who lives a "missionary life" and inspires us to view our work in the same manner.  

Endless Celebrations!

Ok, this cuteness has been happening in our backyard recently when Elsie comes to visit with her new little "Pupcake"  

And this dear and beautiful friend got married on a hot September day under the glorious sunshine.  Here she is in my bedroom where she got ready for the occasion.

Such a perfect and wonderful couple - they are both so lovely...

These girls have all been well loved by Louise over many years.

And this?  Absolute delight!  Seven dogs on our back patio with Oma and Tante Hilda. 

Sweet Finish

A patio party on the last night of August.
How fitting and so very wonderful.
Good food, good friends, puppies playing,
yellow glow of the late summer sun through the apple trees
Ahhhh....

The Alberta trip finished with a bang!
We drove from Rosemary to Calgary,
stopping to buy me some long pants in Strathmore
those wheat fields and big sky giving me another thrill.
Patrice, not so much.
Strangely she felt "claustrophobic" on the prairies while I felt expansive and peaceful.

Calgary was crazy with traffic and we were invited to Becci and Martin's new home for dinner on their very first night there.
Time with the kids was so sweet,
Such familiar little voices and personalities.
A blessed little reunion.
A walk in the 170 acre parkland that will be their new playground and off to Kananaskis for the night.

A migraine, crazy spasms and not enough bedding made for a strange, rather uncomfortable night but joy cometh in the morning with the help of a sleeping pill!
Joy and incredible mountain views, green, green, tall trees and a moose.
Driving into Kelowna was immensely satisfying for both of us.
What a gift to live here.
Our hearts were home and the valley welcomed us with sunshine and open arms.

Grateful for the time away.
Grateful for a home that is here.
Grateful for a daughter to share all of this with.

Alberta

I'm on the prairies.
BIG skies, WIND, wide open spaces
Outrageous beauty.

We roared down the long flat highway from Three Hills to Rosemary
miles of rolling hills and swaying grains...
Bruce Cockburn serenading us at high volume
"Going to the country....sunshine, shine on me"...

Privileged to do this trip with my dear daughter
and with dear Daniel and Nicole.
The wedding of a dear friend, held on the the beautiful ranch of the groom's family,
under a scorching prairie sun.
Best wedding address I've heard in my entire life.
Roll kuchen and Arboose
Surrounded by people I love.

And now in Rosemary at the home of a friend that is like family.
Celebrated her mom's 90th birthday with EVERYONE. 

Here I am with Tante Elsie - my "other mother".  She looks fabulous at 90!

These dear people who have known me my entire life,
and have loved me like their own.
So many memories...

New ones now made including my children.
Rich and sweet.
A gift from heaven.
laughter on the back patio, porch swings, a barbecue.
Breaking bread together,
Seeing the next generation.
Little people in the tree fort and toddlers underfoot.

This one, in this home, who is like a sister to me. 
Welcomes me like I am royalty and pours out love,
On me and mine and anyone else who comes near her sweet expansive heart.

She's been on the potter's wheel and has submitted
much like my own dear sister,
To years of unyielding pain, years of confusion,
Clouded perspective and adversity,
Allowing the Potter to throw her down,
again and again, molding, refining, firing.
Clinging fiercely to the One who was able to help.

I am humbled to be here and incredibly grateful.
For this gift of time.
For this perspective and privilege.
Of watching a life layed down.
Not her, but Christ.
He is large in this place, in this couple.

I want Him to be larger in me.
Jesus, hear my cry.
Strengthen me in this journey where I am tempted to complain.
Tempted to self pity.
Tired of how difficult it is on such a constant basis.

I want to look and sound like you.
Just the way these precious ones do...


The sweet spirit that has emerged is something heaven kissed.
Such gratitude,
A servants heart,
Such generosity,
Such kindness and easy laughter.

Broken and refined and more beautiful than words can express.
I'm humbled by this encounter and inspired.
Wanting to respond in this same way.
Simple pure gratitude for each day.
The privilege to serve and pour one's self out for others.

The Lord keeps putting these ones in my path.
Allowing me to rub shoulders with these kingly, queenly, saintly ones.
Whose lives have been refined by fierce hot fires.

The Knowledge of the Most Holy.
Propels me forward, creates a framework for these crazy days of good, hard,
wonderful and mysterious.

The Filing Cabinet

I've been doing a bit of digging around in the filing cabinet...
finding old files and folders and pulling one big package of history together for each of the kids.
Kinda feeling raw and achy as I do it because there's just reams of history
Days and days and days of documented and undocumented family life.
Moments with the kids, Christmas letters telling stories of the year gone by,
calendars reminding me of the day that first tooth poked through, visits from Grandma, first steps and first days of school.

School papers, pictures and report cards.
Mother's Day cards, memoirs and stickers letting me know all those important milestones

Statistics - little numbers and weights and measures that culminate in a small being entering my life after hibernating in my body for nine months.
A little being that has forever changed me and filled my life with so much good and so much vision, and of course, some pain.

I just came upon this one very scrappy piece of paper with "fall '89?" written at the top.
I don't want to lose this raw, sweet little memoir.

A new mother's heart....

"The intense pleasure I take in this little boy the Lord has entrusted into our care.
I love to sit and watch his movements, expressions and beautiful smile and sparkling eyes.
I love to have him sit relaxed on my lap with his soft little hands on my arms
or his fingers entwined with mine.
Even though I have only one,
I can take some refuge in the fact that I am able to enjoy him so much
and spend uninterrupted times with him.

It's like it magnifies the love i have for him and enjoyment he brings me.

I often sit gazing at him with awe and great delight...
What a wonderful miracle that God has granted me
 the privilege to raise up a son.
My greatest desire and prayer for him is that he grows up to love God more than anything."

He still has sparkling eyes and a beautiful smile.  He's still gentle and now is is also wise.