Applied & Accepted

I don't know if I've mentioned here that I have applied for a school in Hawaii this winter.
For reals...
With fear and trepidation and excitement.

So, before I did so I made the rounds of making sure it was ok with people.
Like my Mom, and my brother.
And work.
That one was a big hurdle.
They didn't like it last winter when I took off for 12 days!!

So, for the number of hours a week I work and for how much I'm paid I was willing to go back to volunteering this year to be able to provide myself with an open door.
However, the Lord provided it for me, through my superior, Leah who went all out for me.
And I'm still on payroll.
She makes me feel so loved and cared for there at the school.
God just keeps me covered in so many ways.
He is seriously on my side.

At first I was hoping Patrice would come along and do some volunteering there, but she's staying home and I think I'm already missing her.

I've never done anything this big on my own since going away to Bible School when I was 18.
Especially since I'm so much more paralyzed when I travel.
I'm full of alot of questions and apprehensions.
But this is what faith looks like for me right now.

So I'm holding this all with loose hands.
Don't wanna go if I'm not supposed to be there.

However, on the other hand, I feel like I'm fulfilling a dream which has been waiting in my heart for many years.
Going to scout out the land in a sense and the Lord has provided a friend who is not afraid to ask questions on my behalf and figure things out with me.

So I'm not completely alone, I just won't have family with me which feels really odd.
I've been accepted to a school called Word by Heart which will involve a TON OF MEMORIZING.
Which takes a ton of faith.  Hah!

Anyways, I've read somewhere that anything is possible for those who believe!
So, I BELIEVE!

And if it works out this winter... if we can get the logistics sorted out and there is a place for me there... maybe I can go again someday.  And again...

Cause winter and wheelchairs and cold and my body don't all really get along that well.
Three months in a warm place during the winter would be outrageously wonderful.
I'm thinking, and hoping.
And praying and waiting.
(And dreaming...)

That Loneliness

It was a gentle, slow Saturday.
I knew there was a ladies retreat happening nearby this weekend,
But there was no pull.
I was happy to be home.
Lazing in bed,
Reading the Word, visiting on the phone
Enjoying the fall colors outside my big window,
Highlighted by the beautiful sunshine.

Showering, laundry,
Making a smoothie
and cleaning the kitchen.

Catching up on bookkeeping
Satisfied when the numbers balanced
Hit the backup and I'm good for another month.

Saturday evening was small but sweet.
Good friends,
Good food.
Comfort.

A loneliness settling onto me when the house is empty and all is quiet.
And I want to busy myself with something...
But
He calls gently to my spirit.
This divine loneliness is not new to me,

I don't want to waste it, although it's easily done.
There is a sad discomfort that I have to push through.
The curtains that veil my Lover, my Friend.

The silence.
The waiting.
The trusting.

All for love, for Him.
For something unearthly
and Golden...

Nudges

This morning I was checking Facebook before heading off to school.
I noticed the birthday of an acquaintance and I felt to ignore it, as sometimes it all feels a little silly to be writing Birthday Greetings to people you hardly know...

But there was a nudge and I thought it would matter to this precious soul.
So I typed something kind of fun and I dug a little deeper to add some meaningful.

I have ignored plenty of nudges in my life, but I pray that I will get more and more obedient.  Because the extra minute that it took for me to type some love into the little box made a difference.

This dear lady doesn't have the easiest life as far as I can see.
We've had a few interactions over the years, but somehow they always really seem to matter to her.  And her sweetness always touches me.

So when I next checked my computer this was the reply:

"Thanks, you're so special to me too.  This made me cry."

So, as small as many of my "contributions of kindness" in a day can feel, all that matters is obedience and faith expressing itself in love.

I can do that.

Because it really matters to feel loved.  To all of us, all of the time.

And I have been given much...

Like a Good Movie

Sometimes when I'm laying here in my bed,
as I do much of every day,
I stop and think how amazing my life is.
How blessed I am to have three beautiful young women (and two very special doggies) living their lives around and with me.
I hear their laughter in the kitchen as they discuss foods or their day or any other number of fascinating things.
Usually it's a far off mumble and I don't know exactly what is being said, but I just love the hum of voices and laughter that makes it's way back to my room.

I kind of feel like I'm in a movie when I realize how amazing all of this is.
How great these gals are, even if we all do life a little bit (or a lot) differently.

We're enough the same that we enjoy each other and share this place we all call home rather well. And we're different enough to add flavour and fun and some healthy stretching.

The morning greetings as one is leaving for work and one is emerging sleepily from their nest downstairs...
The delicious smells created as cooking and creativity collide in the kitchen.
The ever busy Vitamix blending some kind of very healthy drink.
The shared television shows or movies.
(Three of us just had a Pride & Prejudice marathon the other day because one was home sick and it was one of those cloudy, cool, fall movie days)

The constant enjoyment of and love for Moose and Ladybug that we all talk about pretty much all the time.

It's just really lovely and I"m so very grateful for all of us "little women" dwelling in this house wher God is welcome and helps us to get along.

Tonight three of us are off to a concert in town so the movie will have a cool sound track ...

Prayer at the Park

I almost didn't go.
The day looked ominous - cold and cloudy.
And I hate being cold.
The retreat was to be outdoors, at a park on the lake.
But memories of our last contemplative retreat drove me on...
Knowing I would have a specific amazing encounter with the Lord.
It would be so worth it,

So I DID!  And it was AMAZING!
So very worth it.
HE was so present.
The earth was pulsating with His life,
The Wind, the Waves, The Earthy Smells,
The Birds and Chipmunks, The Rustling Leaves.
The rough gnarly bark on the towering pines.
The rays of warm sunlight breaking through the clouds and warming my back.

Oh my word.
HIS WORD BECAME LIFE.
He literally spoke all of what I saw into existence and it was GOOD!

So in my meditation upon Genesis I was struck with a thought fairly early on and I didn't make it through the entire reading.
I got what I needed and more right in the first couple of verses.

"but the Spirit of God was moving"

and the next profound thought came with part of the following verse...

"and He separated the darkness from the light"


So there are situations in the lives of my family and loved ones where I am believing and praying for the Spirit of God to be moving... and I pray also that HE WILL separate the darkness from the light.

I am waiting and expectant.

Inspired

Today just might be a really important day in my life.

It started off with Patrice serving me French Toast and blueberries which was pretty spectacular.  Oh how I LOVE THAT GIRL!!

We went to church and it was the loveliest thing to be surrounded by God's people while we worshipped and listened for His guidance and leading.  So many people I love gathering to seek Jesus on this September morning.
Felt celebratory and full of joy and anticipation...
Graham taught out of Philippians 2 and it was amazing.
If Christ Jesus considered Himself a slave 
it is most fitting that we should do the same.
Oh Man.
It's a high calling.
To be His slave and to serve others.
Lots to wrap your head around and even more to submit to.
But it's the best way to live once you get the hang of it I hear...

And then I went out for lunch with two dear ladies.
There were years of catching up as one of them has only come back to Kelowna in the last year and we haven't really connected yet.

So, in the midst of the sharing
(mostly mine, I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit)
Anita commented that I should write a book.

Now I've heard this several times over the years and have even attempted to start writing more to make this into a reality, but there was never enough fire on it to keep it moving. Plus I have years of journals full of my "story" and now several years worth of this blog.  So I felt that when and if the "book" was going to be written it would just happen.  Haha.  Kinda like if I got healed there would be the lovely last chapter that would make the whole book worth writing!

And I didn't really have a strong call or vision at that point.

But the way this "invitation" was worded today struck me as the clearest reason to date that I could possibly want to start on this venture.

It wouldn't just be "my story" which would end up being a very short novella due to my lack of memory for details and such.
It would be the fleshing out of what I shared at church at the beginning of August when I was asked to speak on "living with Joy".

That time of sharing ended up being me telling much of my personal journey through the past 26 years of being wheelchair-bound and how my walk with God has carried me through the highs and lows of that.

I also spoke about my wrestle with the "healing issue" and how I have come to such a place of peace (for the most part) in seeking Jesus instead of healing.  And how I have met Him in the place of suffering and have slowly learned to embrace the cross and let the blood of Jesus drip over and onto me as I trust Him.

So I began to imagine that this might be a possibility.

Right there in that restaurant with that earnest face looking across the table at me - inviting me to share my story with others who suffer and are not healed.
Perhaps not "New York Times Bestseller" material, but for some people it could bring hope and perspective and help when they've felt let down by God in a church culture that seems to want to pray suffering away and offer a package deal of God and healing being one and the same.  ASAP

And I know He is Healer.
But when the healing comes slowly,
So slowly that it sometimes manifests in heaven... people can grow discouraged.
Or feel the need to press in even harder for more healing because they feel they have missed something.
When I start to go down that road I lose sight of the lovely face of Jesus.
And I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
I get discouraged and feel condemned.

So when I said "there are already so many books" she reminded me that my story is my story and might be important for others to hear.
I realized that there was merit in recognizing that my story had value and I will begin to ask the Lord about when and if to start writing.

This dear Anita even volunteered to meet with me on a monthly basis to get things rolling and to help me sort through my thoughts.

So, stay tuned.
This might be a door I need to move through...

CERTIFIED!!

I've been trying now for several years to get certified to give a certain test that will really help me in my work as a Reading Therapist.  I have traveled to Sooke and to Ottawa and recently to Victoria to obtain this certification.  For many reasons this journey has been very complicated, but I can now report that the miracle has occurred.  I am certified to give the test and to write a report that will give a valid diagnosis which may help kids get funding and will help us to give them the specific help they need to get them reading.  Here is Abby and myself taking the ferry over to Vancouver Island.  I was trying to look like a movie star with my hair blowing in the wind but it didn't quite turn out the way I had imagined it...

Abbie pulled it off, but I comforted myself by attributing her movie-star look to the dark glasses... 

Two incredible evenings spent at the Victoria Harbour watching the sunset and eating dinner overlooking the water.  Incredible! 

It felt like a gift from God that they found us a little spot on the patio at this lovely restaurant on the water!

This place never gets old...

There was also homework that needed to be done when we weren't sightseeing! 

And our wonderful, Godly, wise instructor who lives a "missionary life" and inspires us to view our work in the same manner.