Sunday Song of Praise

YOU deserve it all

My King, My Saviour, My Love...

This is all so fleeting and temporary, how often I've forgotten and flitted along without a care or prayer of thanksgiving.

Today I give thanks to you, on this day set aside to rest and remember your great goodness, constancy, rich deep love and mercy.

It's not just words, it's truth.

You've given me depths of courage and strength I never could have accessed but YOUR WORD has truly sustained me.

For...

YOUR WORD have I hidden in my heart (meditated upon, memorized, said Yes to!)

So that I might not sin against you.

And when I do, you are quick to forgive and lavish in your love for me.

Oh how I love you and need you constantly. 

FOR YOU alone O Lord are my portion and my cup,

YOU make my lot secure.  

Psalm 16

I Will fear NO EVIL

for YOU, the Good Great very KIND Shepherd are WITH ME!!

Yes, Always and forever...

And though I wander now through shadowy lands, surrounded by love and flowers and care, I know that there are streets of gold that await me...

Your hand lifting me off the green pastures and so suddenly we will be dancing the great dance of the ages.

The Bride,

The Great Son of Man.

Together, forever.

All sorrow,

All tears will dissipate and be no more.

So again and again and again 

I CHOOSE YOU!!

Because you first chose me and smothered me with love and kisses.

Thank you forever.

I love you Lord Jesus.

 

Story of a Friendship

I am interspersing some deeply touching e-mails and messages I've received during thee months of "lingering" and they have been precious beyond measure.  Gives me glimpses into the beauty of people that is so often laying just below the surface, but we seldom get to glimpse the depth of thought, longing and and sweet passion that drives them to keep pressing on despite immense challenges and the endlessly changing nature and collision of what was familiar and good to us yet is morphing on a daily basis leaving us disillusioned and often and confused.

But we keep coming back to truth, clinging tightly burning brightly.

Pulling each other along the pathway to the great light and hope that is our Life. 

Here below are the unchangeables.

John 1 In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was already with God in the beginning. Everything came into existence through him. Not one thing that exists was made without him. He was the source of life, and that life was the light for humanity. The light shines in the dark, and the dark has never extinguished it.

so in my blessed position of receiving this plethora of love in a huge variety of ways, I feel compelled to share this letter from a dear, seemingly unlikely, friend.

It was obviously a God thing.

And thank goodness.

She has blessed me and mine in countless ways and loves deeply with a heart of Gold.

Again, I hesitate to share these missives, as I don't want to appear any bigger or better than I am, as I am most of aware of my endless failings, but therefore also most of aware of God's amazing grace, so it is for His glory and for your encouragement to reach out to that one you'd like to befriend.

Be the first to extend a hand.

You never know the sweet glory that might surprise you in a brilliant new friendship thaat challenges you and them to dig deeper into the gold....

So here is my gifted writer friend telling the story of an unlikely friendship.

Dearest Dear Karen, 

Thank you so much for the beautiful birthday card and the beautiful pottery dish.  Both will be always and deeply treasured. The verse you chose

is especially meaningful to me as I really long for a way out of the (spiritual) wilderness in which I have wandered for some time.  I am searching anew for the streams, and for

something new to spring up. For whatever time is left to me on this earth, I will be a seeker of God and He will be my delight

. Please forgive all of us for causing you some delay in receiving the delights that await you. We will never have enough time but we have each of us needed some time to prepare ourselves for living in this world without you. What a huge hole your absence will leave.  What treasures and tears we will each have remembering our time with you.  And  now, speaking just for myself, I thank you will all my heart for your friendship over the years.  It has meant so much to be included in the throngs of your friends. How I treasure your kind ways, your enthusiasms, your insights and prayers and laughter and joy.  What an example you have been to me.  Thank you for demonstrating the grace of God.  How precious our car coffee dates, at the pet park, at the water front, our times shared. 

I know I've told you this before but I first noticed you in the balcony at New Life as you came out of class teaching the girls.  I was struck with your smile and your beauty and your long hair.  Then I saw you once more as you entered a coffee shop with some other women, laughing and beautiful.  I think somewhat unconsciously I wished I knew you.  I wasn't still at the Vineyard so what were the chances?

Then, wonder of wonders, Patrice came to our school -  and Erin had a new friend.  Ah, there might be a chance now for me.  Do you remember the evening they were at the scuba place  and  you opened  your car door and let me in for a visit?  And then you opened your huge heart and made room for one more person in  your life, me.  

I simply do not have the words to express what knowing you has meant in my life.  I can't really process it myself. I ask myself why I cry so much at the thought of losing you. In part of course it's because I grieve that YOU have to say goodbye, to go through the Vallery.  I would spare you that.  And I cry for your children who I know will be lost withoutyou.  I cry for my personal loss of your friendship and I cry for all of us who will so so miss you.  And then I cry for the power and example a life so well lived, for the mystery and  trust that God placed in giving you so much to deal with,  for the impact, the beauty, the glory and the love that is you. 

May you know the comfort of the God whom you have always loved  and who loves you beyond measure.  May He give you courage and peace moment by moment. 

so much love and gratitude, 

I don't know if you have energy to wade through this - likely not - no matter.   

 

Dallas Willard, "our experience (in death) will not be fundamentally different in character from what it is now, though it will change in significant details.  The life we now have as the persons we now are will continue, and continue in the universe in which we now exist. Our experience will be much clearer, richer, and deeper of course, because it will be unrestrained by the limitations now imposed upon us by our dependence upon our body.  It will, instead, be rooted in the broader and more fundamental reality of God's kingdom and will have.. far greater scope and power."    ... we are not deprived of a body, any more that Jesus himself was.  ...the mortal part of us is swallowed up by life. We know even now, and by experience, the reality of a life that is not of the physical body. ... As our physical body fades out, our glory body approaches and our spiritual substance grows ricer and deeper. 

 

Garden Visits, Tears and Worship

It's really such a mixed badg this journey to hospice and all that it means.

I actually don't think I had a choice and I landed well.)

I continue to feel a bit conflicted about what my body is really doing.

I have good days, I have visits and then I sometimes crash and sleep and sleep.

I feel an inordinate responsibility to people I love, to spend time with them but every day is not the same so it's hard to plan ahead. 

Tears are sometimes close to the surface and the quiet times of reminiscing with Daniel and Patrice are the most precious.

Sometimes the tears become torrents which is heart wrenching .

So we cry and express so much love again and again,

Truly a great test of faith to trust the Father with my (His) greatest treasures and with my precious family.

But I'm not in charge so I linger and wait..

The times when people come in with a guitar and gently sing over me and we worship are pure gold.

I wish I was better at setting those times up but it takes energy and I don't always know what the time will hold. 

And energy can't be counted on to show up when it's needed,

Seems to be getting a little lower in the gas tank.

But the night my entire book club dropped in I rallied and we had a sweet time of laughter and communion and sharing which was a precious gift!  

Look at that bunch of beauties!

I am surrounded by goodness and Love.

God shows up in a thousand ways...

 

Birthday Week

Greetings Beloved Friends & Family,

It’s birthday season here - I just celebrated by 61st this past week and today is my dear mama’s 96th!  Patrice is still here in Kelowna and Daniel came down and we’ve had special family times together out on the beautiful back patio here at the hospice house…eating Thai Food, cake and playing games.  It’s been a wonderful week of visits, flowers, cards and lovely messages, so thank you all again for your constant support and love. 

We played AZUL outside!!

Ryan flew down for the weekend! 

Family Visit with Tante Hilda and Esther, the golden hearted balloons shining love into every corner. (Celia arrived with them in the morning and spent time cleaning up my flowers and just making my life easier which is what she does well. 

I’m so grateful to have minimal pain and the staff here have provided me with a comfortable “broda chair" which has all sorts of wonderful positions as I go outside to admire the flowers or just rest in the sunshine.  For some reason my legs and abdomen are retaining huge amounts of water making it too difficult to move myself or use my old wheelchair.  I feel like I’ve gained at least a 100 lbs!  The abdominal swelling is part of what makes breathing difficult for me at times, as my lungs are pushed upward.  This week I am booked for a  “paracentesis" at the hospital nearby where they will drain some of the fluids off to make me more comfortable.  Please pray that the fluid will not collect again!  I don’t have much of an appetite but Patrice is keeping me healthy by bringing in healthy smoothies she makes for me! . 

My energy is limited so I’m often not up to having visitors -(who knew holding a conversation with someone could take so much energy?!) So please understand that it’s not that I don’t want to see people, it’s just a strange, disorienting season where my body isn’t able to do easily what it did before. I’ve had a few people come in and worship with me which has been very life-giving and comforting.  God’s grace is with me, minute by minute and when fear or disorientation try to push in I start to quote scriptures, often lines from Psalm 23. But for the most part God’s peace is my portion and I’m amazed by the grace of that.  This is His story being lived out through me and I just want to stay close to my Good Shepherd, leaning in, my forehead against His, absorbing His Shalom and light… What a Good, Good Father, and He assures all of us that “THE BEST IS YET TO COME!”in the book of Revelation. So press on, all of you beautiful Saints - make His Name famous wherever you are - cling tightly to the Faithful One and Burn with the glorious Love that flows into us through Jesus!  

Gentle Landing

I'm so grateful to have landed here. They zipped me so quickly in a stretcher from the four bed ward and straight  through these familiar doors.

I was on my back but I recognized the landmarks and the sweet recollections of times we had spent with  Dad flooded me and it had a "home-coming" feel to it. 

Look at the spacious room and big window overlooking trees and grass and bushes and BIRDS!  The birds land right in the little feeder at my window and then flit away again so suddenly but what a delight.

The early morning birdsong is also just heavenly.

There's a lovely big recliner right next to my bed and across from me more chairs and a decorative shelf with cards and flowers. 

The second night I was here they served PIZZA so I nibbled on the edges and let Daniel finish the rest of mine.  They said there was also one for the guests so it was perfect =) The menu here is quite nice as well, it's just always my digestion problems that limit me. 

Patrice has finally figured out how to get a few programs onto the TV that we both enjoy. Escape to the Country and our Azerbajan Cooking show haha. 

And there is a fridge so there is ample space for the kids to hide goodies that they might need to fortify themselves is the need arises! 

The room is quiet but my sleeps are still strangely interrupted, I seem to wake up almost every 1/2 hour, but I don't know how to explain the presence of God in this place.

There is such a gentleness in the air and I literally sometimes just move my arms around as if I am moving through liquid love in the night.

Grateful for this gentle landing place. 

And these gentle beautiful treasures who helped me land well. 

Disjointed History

 I've been here in hospital just over two weeks now in a ward  that has a marvellous huge windows over-looking the sky and mountains and lake.  The days are pretty scrambled in my head because of all the meds I was getting but I'm getting less now. 

From my bleed on Tuesday the 4th followed by an ambulance ride and quick intake, there was a lot of action  (esophageal scope where I geeked out on feeling like I was pulled into a circle of green AI chairs moving in circles.  I came to gripping the bar on my bed loudly stating "I'm coming back to earth! followed by another loud proclamation "FORGET THE CYBORG REVOLUTION - IT''S ALL ABOUT THE JEUS REVOLUTION!!" That was one of those unfortunate circumstances I would prefer not be repeated.

Henry & Sue, Patrice & Anita were hanging with me all of that day except when I needed to be whisked off to another test.  In the CT Scan unfortunately they blew my vein because it has to be such a rapid push so I was BURNING in my arm and somehow right across my ribs.  

I don't know if they ever got a proper picture of that.  My veins just continue to collapse leaving me with a mess of bruises that area slowly disappearing.  

I was allowed ice chips following the scope and they were most exciting at that point in time.  

After that it was the popsicles and little bits of food. 

So very much legal stuff was accomplished in these 10 days or so since a "Speed Order" had been placed and pretty much everything got done.  Shares transferred, property transferred, money transferred, and wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles Ron and I are finally legally separated which allowed all of this to take place.

So I am grateful for Vic getting the ball rolling and helping the kids over all the hurdles and mazes and for the amazing work of the lawyers and our accountant.  

Daniel and Patrice stepped up and were running to and fro signing papers, making phone calls and getting legal stuff DONE at the speed of light (well a few things took a bit longer, like molasses concerning my personal bank) but we did it! 

The Ultimate Richness of saying YES!! over and over again...

   So, way back in the day when I was about 17  I was asked to work with kids in Sunday school and I was SO NOT inspired by that idea. So I didn't.  To be honest I found kids annoying and out of control...  Then when we went to YWAM in my early 20's I was specifically placed in the "Keiki Corner" with my mentor Barb who was highly trained to worked with preschoolers and had a unique ability to understand and draw out their spirituality. It was obvious that God was calling me into something and there's always the temptation to run the other way, but thankfully this time I didn't! By the end of my work time  at YWAM I had a newfound passion and love for working with kids and the rest is history.  

   I didn't find it particularly easy to jump into any kinds of kids ministry as it required something from me - it pulled from my innermost being ideas and a need to call out to God for freshness and His ideas to keep things alive and real and TANGIBLE.  I had been broken in some ways in my "efforts" to obey God... and with my personality it's really easy for things to become legalistic.  Thankfully, right from 10 years of age where I gave my life to Jesus, He showed up for me in a tangible way, when I ran out the cabin door the next morning and all of nature had become new in a bright tangible way! There were lots of struggles along the way but I was determined not to give up! Years later I was set free from loads of legalism through a home study I did by MIke Bickle on the "Song of Songs" (of all things!) and finding out that I was the passion and desire and deep love of God's heart switched on all kinds of bulbs and there was a newfound delight in bypassing all the lies I had come to believe that I was not good enough, would never be enough, would always be stuck in judging others and being judged... I realized it was only by focusing my entire walk and life on the truth and beauty of how incredibly loved I was and that HE HAD ALREADY paid the whole price.  I just needed to become ONE with Him, leaning into Him and onto Him with a beautiful constancy and therefore it truly is my desire that as I finish my race, I will be one of the ones who is coming out of the desert leaning on her Beloved... Oh the wonder and glory that He has made this all possible and I will truly DWELL in the house of the Lord (His presence and amazing world) forever and ever amen. 

 

I ended up teaching Sunday school for years and had such sweet times with he kids, learning as much from them as they did from me.  This was followed by years of teaching kids with dyslexia which was another really rich and beautiful experience of mostly working one on one with kids, having the opportunity to pray over them and speak truth into the places where they felt broken and not enough. 

In a rare post I put on FB, I mentioned my illness just wanting people to be in the loop and to pray if they felt led.  To my utter amazement and embarrassment, so very many people responded with so much kindness and love and encouragement.  I have to just keep getting over the hurdle that when people say kind things about me, they are really speaking to the reflection of Christ they have somehow managed to see, despite how much of ME tends to keep popping up!!  

There were so many precious responses, but these two speak to the glory of us picking up what can initially feel like a cross in our lives (because for real - the exhaustion you experience after teaching and the stress beforehand for me was not easy!) and watching God build and grow something beautiful out of our tiny sacrifice of love.

So if you're feeling nudged by God into an area that feels like it could be life-giving but is still a little scary, keep your radar up and don't shut the door too quick!! Someday, down the road lives will be changed for eternity... and that's really what it's all about... 

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"Hi Mrs. Karen, my heart breaks with this news but at the same time my spirit is welling up with a deep hope and joy as I think about how your life has been and will continue to be a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness,  I have never met someone who is so in love with Jesus, and for that you have been so influential in my life.  To see someone who suffers in a way I will never understand, trust and love Jesus and find hope in Him is truly only by the power of the Holy Spirit.  When I was 8 years old, you planted seeds that have grown into a low for God's Word, a desire to encourage and speak truth over others, and a faith so fierce I could overcome anything.  And the way you would be so excited to see me every time we crossed paths mean the world to a youngster like me.  I will be praying that the hope of the resurrection and the life of the world to come would shine ever so bright in this time, and that you taste the glory that is coming as you suffer and that you would experience intimacy with Jesus like never before as you walk the path He walked so long ago, and will rise again with Him.  How I cannot wait for us to be reunited again one day!  Blessings to you (J)"

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"Thank you Mrs. Karen for installing in me an unshakable faith with deep roots.  The Lord used you in such a tangible way to guide me as I built the foundation of my faith.  You were there for the most formative time in my life when the seeds of my faith were planted.  I still sing the songs you taught us and hear your sweet voice singing the tunes of "My Sheep listen to my voice, I know them and they follow me" or "your words have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you".  You taught me to trust God and trust that I know when His voice is speaking.  I can't put into words the impact  you have had on my life and truly you are a major part of the reason I will follow the Lord all the days of my life. 

💕Thank you , thank you, thank you!  Your encouragement and love built the deep confidence in me saying I am loved by the Father and can love others freely.  I hope to continue sharing what you taught me with others and love the way I saw you love. 💕 Thank you Lord for Mrs. Karen and will you welcome her with overwhelming joy.  Until we hug again in heaven and it will be just like "my secret place: you taught me to imagine Heaven to be!  I remember when you taught us to imagine our secret place to talk to God... Maybe you can go ahead of me and enjoy my secret place before I join you! (C)"